#I'm sure that i probably should've just been like well if you wanna be on a break bc of this and you can't let me help you then peace out

[house-in-the-backyard-trees]

can i ask why did u guys break up?

we're technically "on a break" while he figures shit out bc his parents kicked him out of their house. This all happened the day after me and him went to a concert together like 2 weeks ago and a couple days after he Said he wanted to go on a break while he figured his life or bc he can't mentally handle everything. He just moved into his own apartment like a week ago and he's starting to talk to his parents again.

[icantalk710]

📱😪

[joelscruff]

imperfect for you (joel miller x f!reader)

masterlist | a/n written for @janaispunk's 1500 kisses challenge! i got joel + nose kisses with this lovely moodboard and actually managed to write something!!! believe it or not this started out as a drabble lmao. i hope you like it jana - sorry it's a bit late, and congrats again on your milestone 🤍 summary: you never thought joel miller would accidentally call you baby. warnings: age gap (joel is mid 40s, reader is 23), fluff, very brief instance of blood, tending to a wound, joel is eepy, soft kisses, cuddles word count: 5.5k ao3 dividers by @saradika-graphics

"When's the last time you slept?"

He doesn't bother to grace you with an answer, hands clenched on the steering wheel as you barrel down the vacant stretch of highway back to Lincoln. He's been ignoring you for the past fifteen minutes now, eyes straight ahead, brow furrowed, jaw clenched. But he looks pale, almost sickly, the whites of his knuckles stark against the sudden greenish hue of his skin. The last thing you need is for him to pass out and for the two of you to crash into a damn ditch.

"I'm just saying," you continue with an exasperated sigh, "I could drive the rest of the way, we're almost there."

No reply. You roll your eyes and cross your arms indignantly in the passenger seat, returning his icy demeanor. He's in one of his moods again, the ones only Tess really knows how to handle, but you'd volunteered to try your hand at a supply run in her stead which means she's not here to mediate. You should've known some issue would arise, stubborn Joel inventing problems in typical Joel fashion.

"You could've tried to last at least one more hour pretending to like me," you mutter, loud enough for him to hear. He doesn't say anything.

Almost a year of working with them now, and you still don't understand him. You're not sure you ever will. Tess, she's much easier to understand, much more open to being understood. She'd seen your potential and taken you under her wing, brought you in to help, taught you everything you needed to know about smuggling. And Joel... well, he's a different story.

"You know, Tess thinks I have promise," you continue anyway, expression crumpling into a scowl, "She thinks I can do this. I don't get why you don't."

No answer.

"And don't say it's 'cause I'm a kid, because I'm not. I'm twenty three now, I'm past the point of being called a fucking kid. The shit I've seen in that QZ-" you cut yourself off, shaking your head, "I'm not a kid."

His lack of response is beginning to hurt deeper than you'd really like to admit. You glance over at him again; he's still staring straight ahead, still ignoring your presence. It makes unwanted tears prick in your eyes, nose stinging a little as you peer down at your lap and fold your hands together.

You'd been excited for this supply run, probably against your better judgement. You'd wanted to show him how much you know and understand, how hard you've been working, how you're up to the task. Hoped maybe he'd give you a smile - rare, but not impossible - and tell you that you did good, that he sees potential in you too.

You care what he thinks, almost more than what Tess thinks. And you know why, can sense it deep in the pit of your stomach and in the way your heart stutters when he looks at you, but you're clearly living in a fantasy world if you think he's ever gonna get past whatever this stigma is that he has against your age. She's too young, Tess. She'll get hurt, Tess. She shouldn't be doin' this, Tess. You've heard it all, muffled through closed doors in a dark and damp hallway.

He doesn't want you, and you're not sure how much longer you can go on like this. If he's not willing to change his stance, view you as anything other than an inconvenience...maybe Tess will have to find somebody else to help out.

"I know what I'm doing," you mumble, a tear dribbling down your left cheek, "I just wanna help."

You spare him one more look, fruitlessly hoping that maybe he'll feel bad now that he's made you cry - a childish thought, considering you're trying to make a case for being mature, but you can't help it. You know he's capable of being gentle, of being kind. You've experienced it with him before, quiet moments between the two of you in his apartment while waiting for Tess to return, making small talk, him peering at you with a softness in those brown eyes that have since made frequent appearances in your dreams. Moments where you swear you felt wanted under that gaze, but it must've been in your head, because you certainly don't feel wanted right now.

He doesn't look well, you have to admit. His skin is covered in a sheen of sweat, getting paler by the second, turning an unnatural grey color akin to some of the hair on his head. His eyes are glassy, dark bags settled beneath them that you've noticed getting worse and worse over the past few weeks. You shoot a glance at his hands again and are surprised to see that he's loosened his grip, that his fingers seem to be trembling against the rubber.

"Joel," you say, raising your voice a bit, "Joel, are you okay?"

His lack of response no longer angers you - it worries you. Carefully, you reach over and slowly wrap your hand around his right wrist, eyes trained on his face. At your touch, he finally turns to look at you, almost like he's only just noticed you're even there.

"You say somethin'?" he asks, voice raspy, a bit slurred.

Your grip tightens on his wrist, "I think you should stop the car."

He looks at you curiously, dazedly. It's the expression of a man who's running on two, maybe three hours of sleep in the last few days. You choose your next words carefully, eyes flickering back and forth toward his face and the road that he's suddenly no longer watching.

"Let's slow down a bit," you murmur, thumb stroking gently along his skin - he's warm, warmer than normal - "I'm gonna drive the rest of the way, okay?"

You expect some pushback, an attempt at an argument, but the tiredness is setting in quickly. Without any hesitation he eases his foot off the gas and you hurriedly reach your own leg over into his space to push down on the brake. He doesn't seem to notice the way your bare leg brushes his jeans, the crease in your knee bending over the warmth of his thigh.

"There we go," you say softly, bringing the car to a slow stop. He's still looking at you, eyes unfocused as you carefully lean over a little more to unbuckle his seatbelt. You try to ignore how good he smells, how big he is compared to you, putting all your attention on getting him out of the front seat. You unlock his door and then unbuckle your own belt, hurrying out of the car to his side.

"M'okay," he mumbles as soon as you open his door. You start to help him out, and you think he's becoming a little more aware of the situation now, allowing you to pull him to his feet as you tug open the back door. "What's happenin'?"

"You're just tired," you tell him softly, "It's okay, you can sleep in the back, I'll drive."

"Bill n' Frank's," he says as you lead him the right way, pushing him a little and helping him place his knee down on the seat, "Y'know where it is? You remember?"

"I do," you tell him confidently, your hand coming down to press flat against his back - he's so solid, heat radiating against your palm, "Only twenty minutes away now, I got it. You just sleep."

He doesn't argue; in fact, he makes your job easier by crawling onto the seat and settling down with a low groan, rolling onto his back and breathing deeply. You can't help but let a small smile cross your features, watching as one of his hands comes up to rest atop his belly, the other dangling onto the floor. His eyelashes flutter a little, lips parting, and you're about to shut the door when he speaks again.

"I know you jus' wanna help, baby."

You stand there for a moment just staring at him, confusion racing through your thoughts. Goosebumps rise on your flesh as the last word repeats like a mantra in your head, steady and slow as Joel drifts off. It's only when the door is shut and you're in the front seat that you're able to put some meaning to the words, eyes wide as you stare at the faded lines on the road.

I know what I'm doing, you'd said, I just wanna help.

You leave him in the car when you get to Bill and Frank's, typing in the gate code with a backward glance at his loose form in the backseat. They must see him on one of the security monitors, because as soon as the doors open you spot them sprinting out of the house toward you, a scanner gripped in Bill's hand. Typical.

"He's okay," you tell them as soon as you're out of the car, instantly alleviating their stress, "He's just exhausted, I think he needs to sleep for a little while."

"Understatement of the century," Frank replies with a relieved laugh, eyeing the backseat, "Think we can get him in the house?"

"Just leave him in the car," Bill says with a wave of his hand, already turning to head back towards the house with the scanner hanging out of his pocket, "He'll be fine."

Your gaze meets Frank's and he rolls his eyes, "Come on, baby, let's get him upstairs." Your brows go up at the pet name, the same word that had fallen from Joel's lips only twenty minutes ago, but then Bill is shuffling back over with an annoyed look on his face and you quickly realize he's not talking to you.

Getting Joel out of the car proves to be a lot more difficult than getting him in. You try a gentle approach at first, brushing his arm and stroking his skin with your thumb again like you'd done earlier. You can feel Frank's eyes on you as you squeeze Joel's bicep, his wrist, his thigh, and you pretend you don't see the look that passes between him and Bill as you step out to let them take a turn.

Bill goes for a much more aggressive approach, shaking Joel's shoulders wildly and practically yanking him out of the car. Understandably, Joel wakes with a gasp and kicks his legs out, hand reaching for his pistol as he frantically tries to escape Bill's grasp. Before he can grab it though, he's suddenly falling forward, knees buckling as he faceplants onto the pavement beside the car.

Well, that certainly wakes him up. His hands press into the gravel and his head shoots up, blood trickling down his nose as he peers up at the three of you, stunned.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Bill," Frank groans.

"That was not my fault."

Ignoring them, you kneel down and gently touch Joel's shoulder, a concerned look on your face as you eye the splattered blood on the ground, "Fuck, are you okay?"

"What in the hell is goin' on?" he groans, turning to look at you, "Did Bill just break my fuckin' nose?"

"Don't be dramatic," Bill barks, spinning on the spot and heading into the house, "Shoulda just left you in the car."

Joel starts scrambling after him, rising up and standing on wobbly legs, hand reaching for his pistol once again. You and Frank grab him before he can do anything, both of you taking an arm and holding him back.

"Joel, you're exhausted," you tell him quickly, utilizing all your strength, "You just need to lay down. Please."

He turns his face to look at you and something flutters in your chest when you catch the way his eyes soften, the anger in his expression fading as he acknowledges your presence. You can vaguely make out Frank watching the two of you in your periphery, but you try your best to ignore it, instead opting to give Joel a reassuring smile.

"Let's just get you cleaned up, okay?"

You're grateful that Frank leaves you alone with Joel to tend to his nose. You've only met him a handful of times, but each time he'd somehow been able to clock the way you interact with Joel, the way you look at him. The last time you'd been here he'd subtly pulled you aside to give you a few words of wisdom.

"You do realize he's extremely unavailable, right?"

"I- I don't know what you're talking about."

He'd smiled, tapped his nose and given you a knowing look, "And I don't just mean because of Tess. That man is emotionally constipated, kiddo. He's an island." He'd laughed then at your confused expression, shaking his head, "Just be careful, s'all I'm saying."

You'd gone to walk away, forget the conversation even happened, when he'd softly called after you:

"And I'm pretty sure Tess would hang your head on her wall."

You think of those words now as you stand in front of Joel in the small bathroom off the landing, lip between your teeth as you eye the cut on his nose. It isn't broken, thank fuck, but you can see some dirt and gravel in there that you need to clean out.

"It's not broken," you tell him softly. He's sitting on the edge of the bath tub, peering up at you with a much more alert expression. The fall definitely woke him up, not to mention the choice words he and Bill had thrown at each other as you and Frank helped him up the stairs. He's still exhausted though, and he needs to rest.

"I know it's not," he grumbles, "Just wanted to give Bill a piece of my mind for once."

You laugh softly as you reach for the damp cloth beside you, bringing it up to carefully pat it against the gash on the bridge of his nose. You can feel his eyes on you, watching and assessing as you do your best to wipe the area clean.

"I can do that myself," he murmurs.

"I just wanna help," you say quietly, and your eyes fall to his in a knowing glance. He doesn't seem to remember though, just nods and lets you carry on.

It's rare for you to be this alone with him. And by that, you mean this far from Tess. You're painfully aware that it would be impossible for her to walk in at any moment, to see the way you're standing over him, touching him. Frank's words from last time echo in your head but you're not quite sure you believe them; would she really be that angry if she knew how you felt about Joel? It's not like he'd return it, right? The man is twenty years your senior and, as Frank said, extremely unavailable. Not to mention Tess and Joel's relationship has been a point of confusion to you for a year now, still unsure exactly what they are to each other - would she really care?

You reach for the antiseptic - one of the many perks of having an injury in a supply house - and carefully dab some onto the cloth. Your hand trembles a bit as you reach up to carefully hold Joel's chin, your thumb getting lost in his greying beard.

"You haven't shaved in a while," you breathe, your eyes meeting his, and you wonder if you've already crossed a line by even noticing.

He doesn't seem to mind though, sighing deeply, "I haven't slept in a while, so let's hurry this up," he eyes the cloth, "Don't gotta warn me, just do it."

His words bring you back to the present, and you slowly ease the cloth down onto his cut. He hisses a bit, a normal reaction, but it only takes a few seconds to clean and then you're already reaching for a bandage, reluctantly letting go of his chin.

"I was worried about you, before. In the car," you tell him softly, unpeeling the adhesive, "Why haven't you been sleeping?"

His eyes fall to the floor, "I just don't sleep good. Never have."

"Is there anything I can do?"

He shrugs, gives you a humorless laugh, "Handful o' pills and a couple sips o' whiskey usually does the trick."

It makes sense, then, why these past few weeks he's seemed worse. It's been longer than usual since your last supply run and the three of you had started running out of vital supplies over a week ago now, not only for buyers but for yourselves. Joel had written whiskey near the top of the latter list, along with hydromorphone which he'd underlined several times.

"You should've told me you weren't feeling well," you murmur, applying the bandage carefully, "I could've driven the whole way."

"Could've, should've," he dismisses you with a grunt, "Doesn't matter now, does it? We got here, that's what counts."

You linger a little longer than you should on the bandage, thumb falling to gently trace the crease of his nose as you assess your work. It might scar, but it feels pointless to voice this - he already has so many, scattered across his face and neck like confetti. It hurts a little, knowing he's been through so much, seeing the evidence written all over him.

"My mom had this superstition," you tell him softly, a smile playing at your lips as you trace one of the scars under his eye, soft and delicate, "Whenever I got hurt, skinned my knee or busted my elbow playing, she'd bandage me up and then kiss it. She said a kiss would seal her love in there, keep me safe and protected. And if it scarred, that meant it worked."

He blinks at you, expression faltering a bit, "That's...that's a nice thought."

You shake your head, "It's silly, and not true. But... but I still do it anyway, even though she's gone. Just in case," you bite your lip, "I mean, who doesn't wanna feel a little more safe? A little more protected?"

Your gazes lock, and neither of you seem to move, caught in the stillness of the moment and the way your thumb is still stroking his face. You know you have limited time, maybe a few seconds before he breaks it, so without much thought at all you lean down and lightly press your lips to the bandage, eyes closed.

He inhales sharply, a sound that triggers butterflies in your tummy as you hold your mouth against his nose, soft and sweet. It's the closest you've ever been to him, even if you're kissing gauze and not skin - you can still feel the warmth radiating from him, sense the way he freezes below you. A squeaking sound pierces the silence, his hand squeezing the edge of the bath tub tightly. It startles you, your eyes blinking open as you pull back to look at him.

His cheeks are tinged pink, eyelids heavy as he peers up at you with slow blinks.

"You're tired," you breathe, unable to stop your hand from flitting to his hair, pushing a little behind his ear, "Let's get you to bed."

The Joel Miller in Bill and Frank's guest room is not the Joel Miller you thought you knew.

This Joel is loose, pliant. He lets you lead him into the bedroom with a hand on his back, lets you carefully turn him on the spot to reach up and undo the buttons on his flannel. Frank had told you on your way up to make sure Joel didn't get blood on the sheets, so you're only following orders, only doing what you were told.

"Sorry," you murmur softly, fingers shaking every so often as they toy with the buttons, sticky with his blood. Joel doesn't seem to notice though, retreating more and more into the sleepy state he'd been in earlier.

Once his flannel is off you assess his t-shirt and jeans, and you're not sure how to feel about the fact that they didn't get dirty in the fall. On the other hand, though, you're not sure you'd have been brave enough to take them off. Instead you help him toward the bed, pull back the sheets and carefully push him ahead.

"There you go," you whisper, helping him under the covers and pulling the blankets back over him. The sun is streaming through the window, casting the golden light of early evening across the bed, and while it's quite beautiful you shut the curtains anyway, knowing he'll sleep better in darkness. When you turn back around, he's already fallen asleep, lips parted, face peaceful. A different man.

You don't linger, even though you want to.

It's around ten o'clock when you decide to check on him again. You'd watched a movie with Bill and Frank, feeling more than a little unwelcome as Bill tossed you a few dirty looks every so often, though Frank repeatedly told you to ignore him. Now they're in bed downstairs while you pad from your own room across the hall to Joel's, turning the knob carefully. The hinges squeak a little as you open it and you wince.

"Who's there?" you hear Joel grumble from the bed. So much for just taking a peek.

"Me, just me." You push the door wider and walk inside, eyebrows going up when Joel turns on the bedside lamp. He seems a little more rested, although you know he still needs a full night's sleep. "I sent a message to Tess through the radio to let her know we're not coming back tonight - well, Frank did. Picked a song called Tomorrow or something like that."

"Hope it was the Johnny Mathis version," he mumbles, and you watch as he brings his hands up to rub across his face. He accidentally dismantles the bandage and you step forward without really thinking, hurrying to his side and reaching down to fix it.

His hand comes up to grab yours and you freeze in place.

"I can do it," he says, giving you a curt look and then releasing your hand to adjust the gauze himself.

Well, you suppose lax and sleepy Joel couldn't stick around forever. You stand awkwardly by the side of the bed, toying with the edge of the blanket as he rubs his eyes and sits up a little, leaning back against the headboard. He looks so much older in this light; you can see the little flecks of grey in his beard and hair that have been starting to get more noticeable lately, the crows feet, the wrinkles.

He's so handsome.

He turns to look at you with a frown, as if he's only just realizing what you said, "We can go back tonight, I'm fine."

"You're not and you know it. Besides, it's already past ten and now I'm tired, I won't be able to drive."

"I can drive."

"Joel," you surprise yourself by sitting down on the edge of the bed, narrowing your brow as you give him a serious look, "You can't drive. You almost fucking killed us both."

"No I-"

"Yes you did," your tone is firm, suddenly angry - are you angry? - "If I hadn't been talking to you, if I hadn't noticed something was wrong, you would've driven us off the damn road."

He goes quiet at that, frown deepening, the lines on his face more prominent in the low lamplight. You sigh, eyes falling to rest on where your hand is settled on the bed, only inches from his. Part of you wants to reach out and touch, feel the warmth of his skin, the rough of his palm - the other part decides to do something even more stupid.

"You called me baby."

It's out of your mouth before you've even really acknowledged it, and once the words have tumbled out you know there's no taking them back. Your gaze snaps back up to his, slightly surprised to see that he doesn't seem very shocked by your admission.

He clears his throat a little, averting his gaze and shuffling a bit under the covers, "Did I?"

"...Yeah."

You think maybe he'll say something else - anything else - but he doesn't. God, it really is like pulling teeth with him; he's so fucking beautiful but so impossible, never being able to expand on something unless prompted, never being able to answer a single question without jerking you around first. How the fuck has Tess managed to deal with it for so long?

The thought of Tess sends a wave of guilt through your body, Frank's words echoing in your head, but you shove it down.

"What made you... I mean why..." your voice is soft, apprehensive and shy in the quiet of the bedroom, "why'd you call me baby?"

A beat of silence. Then-

"Don't ask me that."

The mood has shifted, your sudden anger ebbing and his annoyance fading into something else, something on the brink of being real. He's avoiding your eyes, peering at the window with the curtains drawn and tapping his fingers anxiously against the mattress, so close to your hand. He's nervous; you're making him nervous.

You stay silent, hoping he'll speak again, hoping maybe just this one time he'll tell you what he's thinking.

"I don't know why."

The words are barely a whisper, almost like he's telling you a secret, and he leaves them hanging in the air briefly before amending - "Well," he sighs and finally looks at you, an emotion you can't place crossing his features, "that's not true. But... I didn't mean - fuck, I was passin' out, for Christ's sake, I didn't realize-"

He cuts himself off again, raising his hand up to press his fingers to the bridge of his nose, briefly forgetting the bandage. He winces when he comes in contact with the gauze, "Can I take this off? It's drivin' me fuckin' crazy."

"Let me do it," you say quietly, inching forward on the bed and reaching for his face. He flinches when you go to touch him, and your hand freezes mid-air.

"Sorry," he mutters, shaking his head like he's shaking off a sensation, a chill, "Go ahead."

With careful - and slightly trembling - fingers, you remove the bandage from his nose. It looks much better than before, no fresh blood in sight, and you suppose it's okay for him to keep it uncovered for the night. Without really thinking about it you gently thumb the side of his nose just shy of the cut, the tips of your other fingers brushing against his cheek.

"It's not too bad," you murmur, and before you know it you're suddenly cupping his jaw, feeling the weight of it in your palm. Your gaze falls to his lips, your thoughts going a mile a minute.

You realize you're close enough that you could kiss him, if you really wanted to. If he really wanted to. All it would take is one small movement, one little push from the both of you, one leap of faith...

And then he whispers your name, almost a warning, and it's like his thoughts are mirroring yours - like he can see exactly what you're picturing, wishing for. Your eyes meet his and you feel a flutter in your stomach when you see the way he's looking at you, a quiet hunger hidden in the deep brown.

You decide to test the waters. You lean in and softly press another kiss to his nose, this time without the gauze in the way. Just like you'd thought, his skin is hot under your lips, soft but scarred, and his smell - god, he smells so masculine and safe, invading your senses as your lips trail downwards to press a small kiss to his cupid's bow, then another to the corner of his mouth. It's sharp, prickly from his scruff, but it doesn't bother you in the slightest - in fact, you kind of like the dull pain, the way it grounds you, keeps you in the moment.

"Baby," he whispers, and a soft little whine falls from your lips without meaning to as your lips move to ghost across his mouth, going for another kiss - a real kiss.

He pulls away before you get there, but then his hand comes up to touch your face, big and wide. He holds you like you're precious, small. His baby.

"S'not right," he whispers, though his thumb strokes your cheek soothingly, "S'not okay for me to want you like that."

You close your eyes at his touch, breathing deeply, "But you do."

"Yeah, I do," you hear him murmur, "You know I do."

"For how long?"

He doesn't respond right away, just continues to stroke your cheek, hold what feels like all of you in his warm palm. You tilt your head a bit to the side, eyes fluttering open to look at him again. You catch the way his lips turn up a little at the movement.

"Too damn long," he sighs, "But that don't... that's not..." he brings his other hand up to cup the other side of your face, holding you still as he peers at you in earnest, brow furrowed, "Point is, we shouldn't... you shouldn't be out here alone with me. Tess knows how I-" he cuts himself off again, and you can see now how difficult it is for him to communicate like this, to be open and honest, "I told her it wasn't a good idea."

"Why?"

He laughs lightly, thumbs circling the apples of your cheeks, "'Cause look where we ended up." He swallows, eyes falling to your lips, "Look where you are right now, baby. Look where my damn hands are for cryin' out loud."

"Keep calling me baby," you breathe, a desperation in your voice that betrays your emotions, tears pricking in your eyes as the weight of this conversation comes crashing down around you. He wants you - he's always wanted you. His words to Tess about not wanting to put you in danger, wanting you to stay away, those soft looks you've shared in his apartment, the small talk, all of it - it's because he wants you.

"We can't do this," he murmurs, leaning in to press his forehead to yours, eyes closing, "I can't do this, you're so- you're too-" he groans, fingers digging into your hair, "You're so young, baby."

"I don't care," you whine, butting your head forward to chase his lips, suddenly yearning to be kissed and held and protected by him, be wrapped in his embrace.

But he pulls away, removing his hands from your face and shuffling back a bit on the bed, away from you. Your hand drops but you reach out pathetically for him anyway, moving closer, attempting to pull the covers back. His hands capture yours and he squeezes them firmly, shaking his head.

"You need to go back to your room," he tells you, and his tone has changed from soft to serious, "It's late and I'm... well, you know I'm fuckin' exhausted. And you've had a long day." He looks at you with pleading eyes, like he's silently begging for you not to put him in this situation, "Let's just call it a night, okay?"

"But-" you start, tears shining in your eyes.

"Please," he breathes, "Please don't make this harder than it needs to be."

You do not want to get up from his bed. But you do.

You do not want to leave his room. But you do.

You do not want to lie awake in your own bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about how his hands felt on your face, the way his eyes searched yours, the way his skin felt under your lips.

But you do.

You lie there for hours, thumbs twiddling against your belly, tears trickling down your cheeks every so often. All you can hear in your mind over and over again is the word Baby, punctuated by that soft groan he'd made, the way his thumbs had stroked your cheeks, how large and warm and safe he'd seemed in that bed.

All you want to do is be in that bed with him.

So it's no surprise when, as the sun is beginning to rise and that warm golden light starts to stream through your window, you crawl out from under your blankets and cross the hall one more time.

"We shouldn't" he murmurs when you climb into bed with him, when you tuck yourself into his side and bury your face in his shoulder, but his hands are already in your hair, fingers stroking along the back of your head.

Your bodies mold together like they've always been meant to fit that way, your legs tangled with his, arms trapped under big biceps and hairy forearms, breasts flush with his suddenly bare chest.

"I wanna be your baby," you whisper.

The nose you'd kissed brushes slowly up and down the side of your face, and he doesn't hesitate this time. He reaches up to turn your head, presses his lips against yours and lets you melt into him. Lets you trail your hand downward to unbutton his jeans in the silence of the early morning.

"You already are."

[semperamans]

benny is back home n'he's missed you so much he may just have to fuck you over it!!!

warnings!!!!

benny is toxic! unprotected sex! benny is toxic! i didn't proof read it!!!! so there are probably so many mistakes!!!! n' this is LONG, so read at your own risk <3

despite its stillness, there is something deafening about the july air. there's nothing more to hear than night bird song as it falls over the slumbering city. gone are the rumbling engines on i-90 n'the chatter of women parading down the sidewalks. there are no babies gigglin', no ice cream trucks wailing, no sirens squwakin'. there's nothin' stirrin' in this humid night besides the rapid beat of your heart because, well, you shouldn't be here. you know that jus' as well as i do. you should be at home, sprawled beneath the ceiling fan, eyes closed, blissfully disconnected from the world, n'you're a good girl, so i'm sure that's what you would be doing had the shrill urgency of benny's call not woken you.

"hi baby," is what he breathed over the line, and despite the distance you could smell the jack daniels on his breath. "m'home." he had been home for a few days now. johnny had called you n'made you aware the second benny's wheels crossed the county line. and then you waited. and waited. and waited. and were your feelings hurt when benny didn't call? absolutely. by day three you were going insane. like mosquito-bitten legs, it was painfully hard to ignore the absence of his voice through the receiver. every purring engine had your head whipping 'round. every blonde head had your heart hammering, but it was never the right engine. never the right head. never benny. johnny'd tried to get you to come down to the clubhouse, but you didn't wanna look desperate (even though you were). it was just so hard to think about. all you could see in your mind's eye was benny splayed across a bar stool, lap empty, hand wrapped around a whiskey glass when it should've been around your throat.

"m'missin' you so much." you wouldn't have assumed he missed you much at all with how radio silent he'd been since leavin' over a month ago. your girls told you that if benny really cared he would make more of an effort - wouldn't run off whenever things other than his dick got hard - an' yeah, you knew this was likely true, but he was enigmatic and enticing and everything.

"wan' you to come see me."

you should've hung up the phone right then, but you didn't. and you definitely shouldn't've pulled a sleep shirt over your nightgown n'sneakers on your bare feet, but you did. now here you stand - peerin' up at benny's front door - tryin' to tell yourself it's all right. nothin' to be nervous over. but you were nervous, so you counted the steppin' stones - 14 - and then there he was.

he looked good, there was simply no denying it. when it was particularly hot, benny wore nothing beneath his colors n'tonight you could see his bare chest glistening with sweat from the glow of the porch light. moths and june bugs spun themselves dizzy 'round him, but he didn't flinch. his sights were set, smile wan and excited and focused on you.

"c'mere." benny's voice had a medicinal quality about it - you figured that out some time ago. his voice was a salve on sunburned skin. it was a cool mid-day rainstorm. it was enough to have your eyes flicking upward, your body moving forward, your mouth forming the shape of his name. "look at you," he practically purred. he seemed more coherent, which was great. you didn't like fuckin' benny when he was drunk - always fearin' it never meant the same as when he pressed himself into you sober. he held you at arms length, eyes traipsing the familiar paths his fingers and tongue had mapped repeatedly. "y'know, i could travel from here to fuckin' the ends of the universe n'never find a girl s'pretty as you."

"s'that what you're lookin' for when you leave?" the words escape your mouth before your brain can register the impact they will have, but benny doesn't seem all that deterred. he just shakes his head; half-hearted guilt tugging at the corner of his mouth as he lets ya go n'invites you inside. benny would never apologize for leavin'. that just wasn't his forte, but he'd make up for it. he always did.

the interior of benny's place is nicer than you'd expect n'it's all because johnny outright fuckin' refused to step foot in the place when benny'd first moved in. it was terrible, but now the trailer actually looks decent. s'not much: a small livin' space with a couch, a tiny kitchen, an even smaller bathroom, and a bedroom big enough for a few pieces of furniture, but it smells like benny: like motor oil and sandalwood and smoke and body wash and you wish they sold the scent in department stores because you'd buy up every bottle. it's the aroma you miss terribly when he runs. it's the scent you wish lasted just a bit longer on your bedsheets. it's now overwhelming as benny plods over, stubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray. hands unoccupied, he has nothing better to do with them than wrap 'em 'round your waist, tuggin' you into his slick embrace. his chin fits so nicely atop your head n'he's always told you that you were meant to be. "fuck soulmates. i think god s'got a big ass puzzle n'he just, tears it up. throws the pieces here n'there. but me'n'you, baby? we're always gonna fit together. m'always gonna find you." he wouldn't need to find you if he didn't run but when you're pressed so snugly together like you are now - well - he could say anything and you'd agree.

"look at me, darlin'. wanna see those eyes again. missed 'em so much." n'when you do look at him, you wish you hadn't. he looks better (somehow) than the last time you saw him: skin so clear, eyes so bright, smile taken from a fuckin' toothpaste commercial. it's unfair how good god made such a bad boy look. "there's my girl." and damn if his voice doesn't sound even better.

a half-hearted hum rolls from the back of your throat. you want nothing more than to be his girl, but he'd never really allow that. never really allow you to get close enough and the hurt must register on your face because benny's takin' your cheeks between his palms, eyebrows furrowing.

"what's goin' on, baby?"

baby. the word sounds so good rolling off his tongue. you wanna be his baby more than anything, but you say "nothin'" cuz that's all this will ever be.

"doesn't seem like nothin'. tell me." you think about it. could you, rather, should you tell him? the words are there, right there. right on the tip of your tongue; i miss you. i've missed you. i so badly wanted to see you. i want to be more than the girl you call when you want to fuck. the words are so hot you want to spit them out, but you can't say those things n'likely will never be able to. the words are toxic. poison. those words would assassinate this arrangement n'as much as it hurts, you know deep down you'd rather have pieces of benny than none at all so instead of speaking you rise on your tip toes and press your lips against his.

kissing benny is something you could never tire of. it's the delicate bite of his perfect teeth on your pillowy lip that has you opening your mouth - inviting him in - begging him to take. it's the taste of mint and cigarettes and liquor that lingers on your tongue that makes you long for more. but benny pulls away first - always does - n'that's when you notice the wrinkle in his brow is gone because he is no longer concerned about what's racketing around your brain. no. he's had a sample, and now he wants the whole thing.

"c'mere." it's an impossible command. you're already so close - any closer and you would - benny dips slightly, circling your thighs with his arms, pushin' you atop the high-backed couch where you wobble and clutch onto him which makes him smile but then everything changes because "want another kiss. missed that mouth so much." and you collide in a spit-soaked show of affection sure to bruise the flesh now scraping so deliciously against his beard.

this is familiar to benny. he knows where to touch you. knows how to caress your skin as he peels the shirt from your flushed torso and pushes the thin straps of your nightgown down. you're soft. he's always loved that about you. your voice. your hair. your skin. so supple. and there are times benny's gotta stop himself. he's gotta repress that primal urge to take, to claim, to mark but it's hard so hard because you are so soft. his agile fingers float down your neck, relishing in the plume of perfume that billows out as your body contorts closer and closer and closer. you're so responsive: gasping in the right places, arching into his hands so perfectly. your dainty inhales fuel him. he wants to do more. wants to hear more.

"you're gonna let me fuck you right here, aren't ya?" benny asks, pulling back to gauge your reaction. "missed me so much you're gonna let me fuck you on this couch, eh?"

"you're the one who called me." you say, smile wide and knowing as you feel benny's cock twitch. his eyes turn molten lapis. he had called you. he had missed you. but he wouldn't say it. couldn't.

"awfully mouthy," he clucks, pressing his mouth into yours for another taste. "why don't y'use it for somethin' else?"

before you, benny'd never been a fan of oral sex. i mean, he'd come around to enjoyin' it thanks to johnny but, it wasn't high on his list 'til you started suckin' him off any and every chance you got. for a mouth belonging to such a precious gal, he never would have expected the sinful things you could make him feel. n'now, knelt before him, he can barely fight the urge to shove his dick in your mouth.

"s'pretty. always so pretty." you hum. you got him out of his jeans in record time and thank god because it's probably a million degrees in the goddamn trailer. now he's free; cock out, dripping precum and he can see the pride puffin' up your chest. no other girl could get 'em like this - could rile him up 'til his cock was thick and heavy and veiny and hot to the touch - no one but you n'at the first whisper of your fingers, his head rolls back. his precum is good lubrication, but you need more. could always use more, so up you come, crossing your cute little feet under your bum, and then - fuck - you lean forward and spit on his heated skin. yeah, benny thinks he may cum from that alone.

"touch me, doll. c'mon."

"shh," your fingers form a loose circle 'round the base of his cock. "i've got you."

"jesus christ," its the feel of your lips on his thighs and your fingers on his dick that makes him squeeze his eyes shut. he's got one fist balled at his side, the other tucks its way into your hair because he's gotta do something. anything.

"y've still got your christmas tree up, so, y'know, could be insensitive what with the holidays n'all. chirstimas in july." and despite the fact that you've got his pulsing length so wet and hard in your hand - benny fucking laughs.

"you're so -" but whatever adjective he had planned to use flies from his mind the moment your mouth covers him. all he can think about now is not cumming. you don't need to know that he hasn't fucked another woman since the last time he was balls deep in you. you don't need to know that he hasn't jerked off in god knows how long in preparation for this night. the only thing that you need to know is that he fuckin' loves this. he just lets you work. just relishes in the feeling of having you there. of having your mouth on him. it's so heavenly. cavernous yet tight. wet and warm and "fuck - oh fuck - stop."

and you do with no hesitation. you pull away so quickly that strands of saliva trickle down onto your tits. okay. maybe not jerking off wasn't the best idea, benny determines.

"did i do something wrong?" your voice is husky, eyes wide and slightly frightened and benny thinks he may love you.

"no." he shakes his head, grabs your arms, pulls you up. "no. fuck - i wanna fuck you." he brushes his palm across your cheek, wiping the spit and precum away. "want to fuck you right here. on the couch. c'mon," he maneuvers you around, makin' it to where his bare ass is on the couch and you're hoverin' above him, smiling so cutely at him he's sure he's gonna explode. you're so fucking cute that it nearly suffocates him.

"gimmie another kiss." he breathes, cupping your cheek once more. your lips meet in a cacophony of sighs. relief slackens your shoulders and now anticipation builds because you know what's coming.

"benny,"

"mm?"

"unless you have rubbers tucked in the cushions," you have to fight through his kisses. "you can't fuck me here."

the words marinate. the ceiling fan bats them around like a cat does to yarn and then benny finally responds.

"let me fuck you raw."

there are a hundred good reasons why it's a horrible idea, but you can't conjure a single fucking one as your head bobs in agreement.

"yeah?" perhaps christmas miracles are still valid in july because holy shit. "yeah?"

"please."

"come 'ere then."

you're obedient. benny loves that about you. seconds later you're spreading your legs, shimmering with sweat as you fight to maintain your balance n'you look so hungry - so eager to please - so pretty n'he can feel your wetness seeping onto his bare thigh as you pepper tender kisses along his chest. you want this. you want it just as badly as he does. he can tell. those preening noises comin' from the back of your throat and the bite of your nails into his shoulder are the only things grounding him to this moment. he feels so light - like he could fuckin' float if you weren't sat atop him - but there is work to do. a certain set of things that need to be done before he can spear you on his cock.

"gonna stretch you open first," he tells you, pushing your hip back but you don't budge. your head shakes, lower lip juts out. no.

"i wanna feel it." you say, voice almost a whine. you're tired of waiting. tired of playing this game so you propel yourself onto your feet, nearly toppling as the cushion gives under your weight, but you've got this. you sweet capable being. "wanna feel you now." your right hand circles his cock. "just want you to be in me benny. jus' you." it's a confession spoken like gospel. n'with your help, his gushing head probes your wetness and benny's thoughts spiral recklessly. "ready?"

it's cute. the way you ask him. the way your pretty little head cocks to the side. it's even cuter the way your pussy so greedily takes his cock once benny gives you an answer. yes. a singular nod. then everything is hot. he's too close to the sun, but the burn is delicious.

every bump. every vein. every groove on his cock awakens something within you. your eyes are closed so tightly - you may rupture a vessel - but you don't care. you're full. so full n'he's only halfway in. it's never felt like this before. you're in uncharted territory so the first roll of your hips is exploratory. the second is more confident. the third is a plunge and benny is drowning.

"god. fuck." words to form coherent sentences have long since vanished from benny's vocabulary. and you? usually so deft with language, you're somewhat embarrassed at the foolishness of your grunts, but benny loves it. he watches you move from squinted eyes. you're fascinating; body shifting with ease up and down up and down up and down. the muscles in your stomach tighten and wan as his cock disappears deep in your cunt only to reappear seconds later dripping and glistening with remnants of your wet. it's hypnotic n'benny thinks you're magic and sweet and good but dirty - oh so dirty. his balls and heart squeeze simultaneously n'it only gets worse when you toss your arms around his neck. benny can feel your cool breath on his throat - it adheres to the damp indications you lips left behind - and your tits, god your tits press against the material of his colors and rub and rub and rub. it's intimate. it's too much. too long like this and benny knows he'll be spillin' his secrets and his seed and that's not how he wants this to go, not yet anyway.

the change in position catches you by surprise, he can see it on your face. those puffy lips part in confusion, but he silences your questions with a shattering kiss. your teeth gnash and spit slips down your chin as he bites your inhibitions away. he's got you beneath him now. missionary. his favorite because he just likes lookin' at you. likes being close, so close. he's in his element; forehead pressed against yours, mouth open, grunting obscenities as he pushes harder and harder and harder into your sobbing pussy. you're slowly disintegrating. the way your ankles lock around his spine perfectly aligns your clit with his pelvic bone and my god nothing has ever felt quite so good.

"benny," your voice is a dark whisper that grows brighter brighter brighter as he thrusts into oblivion. you want more. want it harder. and benny is happy to oblige. the sound of his nuts slapping against your soaked center reminds him of a fuckin' metronome. your pitiful little moans could put pornstars to shame.

"you're so fuckin' tight." and it's true. he's said it to other girls before out of courtesy, but he means it with you. "when i cum you're gonna take every drop, mm?" benny's ability to say such delivish things so close to your face drives you insane. it's as though he's tellin' you what the weather is gonna be tomorrow, or sayin' his favorite color. "s'my favorite pussy to fuck. no one feels like you." he should stop, but he can't. it's too good. you're so good. "only girl i wanna fill. only girl i wanna give my cum to."

if pride were a flower you'd be a fuckin' garden. confidence flourishes like ivy as he keeps. going. it's in this moment you know it's worth it. the hours waiting for him. the lonely nights. it's all worth it. benny is worth it.

"are y'gonna cum in me?" at the sound of your voice, benny's forehead crashes down on yours. his eyelashes are so long they kiss the tops of his round cheeks.

"fuck - yeah."

"yeah?" you angle your pelvis, gasping at the new sensation. n'benny knows what to do. knows how to send you over. snaking a hand down, his index finger rubs circles around your clit, dipping down, pullin' your shared juices up. you're not gonna last much longer n'as much as he wishes he could keep you here forever his fucking nuts are so tight. he's so close.

"fuck - baby. shit."

"do it deep. wanna have you leakin' out of me for days. want somethin' to remember you by." you've never spoken like this before - his sweet darling - where did this mouth come from? one hand squeezes your jaw. something to remember him by? he'll give you something. he pushes your head to the side, latching his teeth into the side of your neck. the rough yet delicate suck and soothing stroke of his tongue add another element to the amalgamation of pleasure, and now you feel like you're drowning.

"m'gonna cum." benny’s choked voice rasps in your ear.

"cum in me."

"fuck im gonna cum in you."

he couldn't pull out even if he wanted to. there's no willpower strong enough to allow him to extract his cock from your pussy. he's sure of it.

"need you to cum with me." his index finger circles around and around and around. "gotta cum when i tell you. yeah? gonna be a good girl n'listen to daddy?" your toes fuckin' curl, digging into the cushion. "use your words." he doesn't know - doesn't care - that your words have magically turned into alphabet soup; there are letters and sounds but no coherence, but it's no excuse. benny, devilishly, begins to slow. "use. your. words." each syllable is punctuated with a sharp thrust n'the head of his cock is wedging so deliciously against your spongy center that you nearly cum, but you don't. you're good. so good.

"m'gonna listen." you wail. "gonna be good." your reward is a kiss and the continuation of benny's deliriously fast pace.

"knew you would." it becomes hard to speak with you squeezing round him like that. his pleasure is melting into an unidentifiable mass. he knows nothing of isolation. his body no longer belongs to him. he can't tell where you start and he ends but he knows where you will finish. "gonna need you to cum, pretty baby." he's unable to do much more than whisper. "ready?" you nod. "ready?"

"please."

"now."

you couldn't hold back even if you tried. the first spurt of benny's cum is so warm you make a surprised little gasp. he's so deep, pumping his load so deep that the lower part of your abdomen has stretched in accommodation. your bodies flounder together; fingers pressing, lips melting, legs tangling. benny thrusts once, twice, three times more before he's spent. his body begins to still - his weight slowly pressing upon you before collapsing. your thundering heart could lull him to sleep if he'd allow it, but he can't allow it because unlike with other women; the lustful haze refuses to dissipate. post-nut clarity doesn't exist when the woman you fucked looks and feels the way you do and it scares benny so much that he collects you in his arms n'moves you off of him.

"i'll bring you somethin' to wipe off with." he doesn't look at you as he rises. instead he chooses to focus on how his legs don't feel like his legs. how the hot water won't warm up n'he can't give you a cold rag. his disappointment grows when he returns to find you already shrugging back into your nightgown. the pair of you tend to yourselves. you wipe benny's cum off your thighs and toss the rag into the dirty clothes pile on the floor. you try not to linger. you know it only makes things harder, but benny's gazin' at you with those eyes. he's fixin' your necklace and opening the door for you.

"gimmie a hug?" his bravado is gone. his voice is quiet, his arms are welcoming. you fool yourself into thinking he's gonna miss you too. you've got his cum dripping down your leg and he's got your heart in his hands but nothing has changed. things would never change. n'you wanna stay here - wanna stay with him for eternity - but if history repeats itself you will only have another minute in his embrace. he who holds your pieces together is the one responsible for their fractured state n'maybe you're a masochist. maybe you're in love with the wrong person. maybe none of it is supposed to make sense anyway.

when you part, you want to cry. benny kisses you. it's soft, a delicate kiss you wanna bottle and keep forever next to his scent. you worry that one day you will unknowingly have a last kiss with benny, but for now you allow yourself this moment. he won't promise to call n'you won't say goodbye. you'll just slip out into the night - probably call johnny usin' the payphone down the street and spend the rest of the night sobbin' into his neck.

but it's worth it. somehow even after it all, benny cross is still worth it.

[six-eyed-samurai]

SUMMARY: A letter from Urokondaki has Giyuu flying back - not knowing he'd wind up back to you who he loves and rejected. A/N: This is possibly the most cliche thing I've written about but enjoy the twist WARNINGS: Reader is female and has a sister because I said so. TAGLIST: (lemme know if you wanna be removed or added): @abadonkori @therabbitthatpostthings MASTERLIST/PREVIOUS FICS

What were you both, exactly? This one Giyuu couldn't answer, because as cliché as it sounded he didn't know.

What were you? This was something Giyuu could answer, although he'd never tell you…or anyone. It was cliché, but you were an absolute goddess he was head over heels with and if he could worship you day in day out, he would. It was cliché, but he wanted to be the one you first set those bright doe eyes on every day, the first you head to when you were hurting emotionally or physically - your first love and he fantasized about being your last.

(A lot more than he should be, Giyuu realized, when Kocho caught him staring off into space and smiling a little too “lovesick-y”, she claimed, and asked who was he so down bad for.)

How you both met sounded like something out of a romance novel too. A romance novel in an ugly world of death and demons, true, but just as romantic and cliché as any story. He had been sent to go help a group of slayers faced with an adversary far beyond their level and when he had arrived it was an utter disaster of blood left, right and center.

Giyuu had made quick work of the demon and turned to check on the exhausted, collapsed slayers. He had been told there were six, so why were there only five?

“Tomioka-san! (y/l/n) ran off to go fight the other demon, where is she?” Other demon? Giyuu whipped around to go after-

And then you arrived, like some goddess of the hunt, leaping from the air and decapitating the lunging demon's head right before its talons could touch him. His eyes widened.

How did you still smile so brightly, like you were genuinely delighted he was here, despite being splattered in blood and bruises? Maybe that was one of the things that made him fall from the start. “Oh, hey, Tomioka-san! You're finally here!”

That should've been that. Giyuu would've been content with that mental snapshot of you in all your heroic glory forever.

But out of the blue you once again showed up suddenly, abruptly, at his Estate with a bento box and persistent knocking at his door.

“Tomioka-san! Are you home? I really wanted to thank you for saving us that day, so I brought you some food. I hope you like it!”

You had saved him, why were you thanking him? Giyuu was too stunned to do anything but let you in and just gape, completely unaware this wouldn't be the first time you would barge in and liven up his pathetic lonely life.

He had assumed you would leave the moment he collected the bento, but…no? You just sat there and chatted away about anything and everything that came to your mind: a recent book you read, the bout of rain lately, demon activity, training, your family. You pushed him to talk about himself too and he found himself opening up subconsciously, heavily infected by your energy - his favourite meal so you could make it next time, something he'd like to do in the future, any hobbies? Giyuu thought you probably knew a lot more about him than the rest of the Hashira after just that one meal.

“Well, it's been nice eating with you - oh no, is your haori torn?”

“…yes. It was from the fight but I hadn't had time to fix it yet.”

“Ehhhh, no worries about that! I'm not too bad at sewing and I'm sure you're very busy, so I could do it for you if you'd like.”

Then it went on for months, a push and pull from the both of you coming up with various excuses to see each other beyond brief lunches. Mostly you suggesting them, true, but he'd be lying if he said he hadn't jumped on them as eagerly as a puppy, embarrassingly. You returned with his repaired haori and to thank you he bought the next meal, then you asked for some slaying tips and he awkwardly realized the only way he could explain properly was through practical work, then you brought him salmon daikon for the extra training. So on and so forth.

Even if he had tried to push you away, you were too stupidly stubborn and kept coming like some train of friendliness; something he fell a little more for, other than your care for even the most useless of slayers, your determination to keep training no matter what, your quiet reassurance when grief still clouded his days…no amount of paper in the world could cover all the things he loved about you.

It went on for so long that Giyuu could call you the highlight of his days - his friend. His only friend, not counting Kocho (she doesn't count).

But he suddenly knew when he wanted to be more than that when he apologized for not being as talkative. You blinked, then laughed. “Don’t be! I like challenging myself to get a reaction out of you!”

The corner of his lip half turned up. “What reaction?”

“Y’know, when you smile like that. It’s cute to watch.”

“I’m not smiling.” His face heated up and he busied himself with slurping up the rest of his soba.

“Or when you blush like that,” you added. Giyuu nearly fell into the soup as you laughed.

Luckily he didn’t, but he fell for you even harder.

It was just as cliche then, when it was abruptly at some point Giyuu realized he had no idea whatever it was the two of you were. “Friends” sounded a little too dishonest - did friends turn up in the middle of the night because they couldn’t sleep and decide to stargaze together? Did friends somehow wind up holding hands and falling asleep against each other during said night?

Did friends rush to say goodbye to other before missions and fret so worriedly about their safety? Did friends get flustered so much around each other? Did friends get teased by Kocho, giggled at by Kanroji, be asked when the two of them had started dating by Kamado?

No. Giyuu didn’t have much experience in this but he knew that every day it was getting harder for him not to simply blurt out those eight letters to you.

The problem wasn’t that he thought he was going to get rejected - Giyuu wasn’t as obliviously blind as everyone thought, he’d seen the way you glanced at him to see if he found the joke funny, the extra effort you threw in for his bento when cooking for everyone. He held back because he was afraid. Terrified the moment he’d ask to be yours the gods who had tormented him for so long would awaken and strike you down. He was cursed, jinxed, hexed to never have anyone he cherished, not when the list was so extensive - Sabito, Tsutako. If he were to ever allow you to get close to him he’d just have another grave to cry over.

Giyuu knew he’d have to break it to you one day but he’d never thought it’d be so soon.

“Hey…Giyuu.” You tugged at your hair nervously, something he found endearing. He nodded in acknowledgement. “I…this is so silly and cliched, really, saying something like this under -” you breathed an anxious laugh “-a sakura tree under the moon, but…I think I really like you. Beyond just friends. I’ve never looked at anyone like I do at you before and some days I think I’m going to have to go to Kocho because my heart’s beating at an unhealthily fast rate around you. I - you don’t have to feel the same, but I hope you’ll accept my confession. It’s cliche, like I said, but there’s no one else I want to spend my life with, however short in the Corps.”

“(y/n)…”

You looked at him hopefully and he looked at you blankly. You weren’t to know how hard he was going to cry over this later on.

“I apologize, but I don’t feel the same.”

If he couldn’t push you away, he’d pull away, with distance and the silent treatment. Giyuu never realized how different the both of your worlds were until he made the effort to avoid you at all costs. They spun on different axis, and if you didn’t seek him out or he didn’t go to find you, you both would never run into each other at all.

For the best, right? For your own good.

***

It was hopeless.

You tried and tried to go on being friends but Giyuu didn’t make it easy for you at all. He trained all day to use it as an excuse for being too busy and reject all your invitations. He politely informed you you could stop cooking for him as to not trouble yourself. You were going to break yourself into a million, emotionally shattered pieces if you continued to chase after someone who didn’t want you, you knew, but it was Giyuu, for god’s sakes. You both had poured so much into your friendship, how could you just leave it be?

A small voice still nagged that you were just hung up on him and that he was the one being mature about this whole affair, which led you to finally decide to take a break away from everything for a while and head back to your hometown - your sister had been begging you for a visit for some time. But you still wanted to make the effort, so you wrote to Giyuu that you’d be away from the Corps for maybe a fortnight.

He made a curt reply barely lasting a paragraph and that was that. You balled it up and threw it into the trash, restraining the tears that were going to spill, then resumed packing.

Heading home was the break you had needed after all. Meeting your old village friends and catching up on the times, recounting childhood memories with the people you used to know. After spending so long running around from village to town to slay demons it was just…relieving to set your bags down in your old home and finally have a place to return to again. Your mother and great uncle were beyond delighted you had returned home and needless to say you were coddled and spoiled and stuffed with homecooked meals. Even the chores that once seemed exhausting were nothing to the brutal training you had gone through - absolute bliss, really.

They took your mind off your recent rejection.

Yet somehow your younger sister Yumiko wormed it out of you anyway as you both sat under the giant tree you both used to spend countless days frolicking under when you were kids, watching her grow even more flustered the more you teasingly pushed her about her love life.

“Come on, I’m your big sis, I need to know who’s caught your eye!”

“No, we’re nothing official - he - hey! Sto - oh - op tickling me! Fi - fine, I”ll - heh - tell!”

You sat back, satisfied. “Well?”

“His name’s Sanekhiro…” Yumiko got a little dreamy-eyed. “He’s really clumsy and forgetful, but really sweet! He got me this hairpin the other day; he said it reminded him of me and had been saving up money to buy it.”

Your hand unconsciously reached up to finger your own hairpin - the one Giyuu had gotten you not too long ago. He’d been so funny about gifting it to you, nudging it closer and closer to your soba bowl until you noticed it and asked. Maybe he panicked, maybe he was trying to be cool, but he blanked for a moment before saying “Oh, isn’t this yours?”

The corner of your mouth twitched. It was a very cute memory…although all he did now was walk past you like you were a ghost he couldn’t see.

(If only you knew how Giyuu feared you really would become one.)

“- and then we…nee-san? Are you even listening?” Yumiko pushed her head closer to yours, snapping you out of your daydream. She grinned mischievously. “Who are you thinking of?”

“Eh, no one!”

“Where’d you get that hairpin, then?”

Damn Yumiko and her observant nature. But even she couldn’t have foresaw you suddenly bursting into tears, the heartbreak and hurt you’ve been suffering silently through the past few weeks building up like pressure until it exploded and you were left a sobbing, miserable mess curled up on your sister’s lap while she stroked your hair comfortingly and waited for you to calm down and tell her who’s “head I’m going to cut off - he must be a demon to make you cry like this”.

So you told her everything, ending it with a “He doesn’t even want to be my friend anymore! Giyuu won’t even acknowledge me now.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you, nee-san, don’t think that!”

You cried anyway.

***

Giyuu had been taking on a lot of missions lately - he barely spent a day of rest in between, Shinobu had confided in Mitsuri as they both watched the stoic Water Pillar limp out of the Butterfly Mansion from afar, no doubt off to go ask Oyakata-sama for another.

Something had happened, Shinobu had concluded, citing that Giyuu had been even more sour-faced and gloomy lately - “Well, even more than he used to be. I wonder if he failed to save someone on a mission? That might be it. I would ask his friend but I haven’t seen her around.”

Mitsuri immediately lit up. “What friend?”

“He used to eat with a female slayer every day until recently; I don’t know her name or who she is though. Tomioka somehow managed to make a friend even with that wet cat personality of his, but as I haven’t seen her around much.” Shinobu chuckled to herself. “He probably drove her away with that despondent attitude.”

“Hmm…” Mitsuri considered it, then clapped her hands together excitedly. “He must like her, Shinobu! Oooh, that’s so sweet, I never thought Tomioka would ever fall in love!”

“Him? In love?” Shinobu scoffed. “If he is then I am an insect.”

“Maybe he’s just sad she had to go on a mission or something,” Mitsuri suggested. “Oh, I know! I’ll invite him out to lunch with me and Obanai. That should cheer him up, and I want to know all the tea about his love life!”

Shinobu hid her laugh and turned around to leave. “I wish you the best of luck, Mitsuri.”

“I’ll let you know how it goes!”

With that Mitsuri sprang off to go hunt for the elusive Water Pillar, determined to kidnap him to lunch if it came down to it. Obanai would surely approve of her plan, he probably wouldn’t mind someone extra tagging along if she apologized.

It turned out she didn’t quite have to kidnap him, but it would be stretching the truth to say Giyuu had given a response to her question, having just stared blankly with wide eyes. But he didn’t object when she grabbed his hand and pulled him along, so it must be alright!

(Obliviously the both of them didn’t notice the purple, shadowy waves of indignation and jealousy rolling off the Snake Pillar, but he managed to bottle it up pretty well in front of Mitsuri.)

“So, Giyuu, I heard from Shinobu you’ve been hanging out with a slayer these days! Is it true?”

“Uh…yes…” Yes, a slayer who I fell in love with and promptly rejected when she said she reciprocated, Giyuu finished in his head. Obanai glowered.

“KYAAAH! That’s so cute! What’s her name? What’s she like? How long has she been a slayer? When did you both meet? Do you like her?” Mitsuri leaned forward, practically quivering from anticipation. Next to her a certain snake brightened up not so subtly; Tomioka wasn’t going to steal Kanroji after all! …not that he believed someone like Tomioka would, nope.

Giyuu’s mind was stuck on the last question.

Do you like her?

Cliche, but he didn’t like her. He loved her. Which was why he let her go, right?

But Giyuu was tired. Tired of never being able to be happy, always mourning Sabito and Tsutako. You made him like he might one day see the world in vibrant colors once more, but he was so afraid of never seeing again he’d rather never see it all. You liked him despite his bland, hard personality. Of course he was a sucker for you, absolutely down bad, whipped, whatever it was that Tanjiro had used to describe the blond nuisance’s behavior towards Nezuko.

But on these past missions…all those couples he had seen wandering the streets together hand in hand. You both used to do that - well, almost, if hands brushing hands counted (on idle days he tried to clasp his own and imagine what your touch would feel like). He wanted to be that couple with you. He wanted to be that family he had saved not too long ago, comforting each other despite the demon attack. He wanted to be that elderly duo at the table next to them, still together even after who knew how many years.

Iguro and Kanroji had only added on to it. Giyuu knew Iguro disliked him intensely and in turn he had not much love for him but watching his actions around Kanroji made him miss you terribly - he had that same look Giyuu was pretty sure he had on his face whenever he spoke to her…if only because you had pointed it out to him once. And when Kanroji started gushing about how happy she always felt whenever she received a letter from Iguro…how long had it been since you sent that short letter informing him of your vacation to your hometown (and subsequent abandonment of him? …he did deserve it, he’d admit, but it stung anyway).

Can’t he be allowed to be happy for once? Be in love once? He wouldn’t be able to take it if you died…yet Giyuu couldn’t take it either if you weren’t here. What a conundrum…

“Tomioka?” ”What’s so great about being in love?” He blurted. He had to be sure. Obanai snorted but Mitsuri, though taken aback, eagerly replied, just not what he’d thought she’d reply with.

“That’s something you’ll have to find out yourself, I suppose! Maybe you’re afraid of pursuing it - her - for now, Tomioka, but you should be more afraid of not finding out no matter what happens. Go ahead, shoot your shot!”

“I need to go.” Giyuu stood up abruptly and ran off.

“-eh?” Mitsuri stared after him, startled, then slumped a little. “Aw, guess he didn’t want to have lunch with us.”

Obanai would rather have Kaburamaru strangle him then defend Giyuu, but if it was to cheer Mitsuri up…”I think you just spurred him to go confess to the poor sod he’s besotted with. Maybe he’ll be less sloppy on missions now.”

“You really think that? I’m happy my advice came in handy then, heh!” Mitsuri beamed at him.

“Mmm,” Obanai hummed, averting his eyes. “Do you want another bowl? I’ll pay.”

***

Giyuu had a plan. A really good one, if he could say so himself. He’d go find you and explain, apologize for how horribly he’d been treating you and pray to whatever gods left on his side that you’d find it in you to forgive him and give him a chance to love you like he didn’t before.

A plan that evaporated the moment he got back to his Estate and realized not once had you mentioned where your hometown was.

Giyuu sat on the engawa for nearly the whole evening, trying to recall if you’d ever said anything about your childhood home. He knew you had a sister and your father had died a few years ago, but that was about it. Crap. Thwarted by the crime of not knowing you as well as he had thought.

(He assuaged the nagging little voice saying how could he even hope to be your lover if he didn’t know such a simple thing by promising to get to know everything about you when he found you, right down to what you ate for breakfast.)

As a desperate last resort he sent his old crow Kanzaburo to go scout villages up north, where your letter had come from - not expecting him to return the next morning squawking himself hoarse.

“UROKONDAKI INJURED! GO TO ASAGIRI NOW! UROKONDAKI INJURED!”

Double crap. His search for you would have to wait then; Giyuu would be there in a heartbeat at his old mentor’s side if he could, but as he couldn’t he took off running at once.

Although…strange his crow went to Urokondaki instead of you.

***

Yumiko glanced back at where you lay, silent but inhaling through your teeth painfully. She and your great-uncle had done all they could to alleviate the pain in your broken ankle. The rain from a few days ago hadn’t completely dried up and left the mountain a slippery mud mountain, causing you to accidentally lose your balance and roll down. You were lucky nothing else had happened.

And the mountain wasn’t done causing trouble yet. Your mother had long gone out to go fetch a doctor but with the trails slick and blocked it would take a long, roundabout route for two elderlies. You were handling it well, but with every minute that passed Yumiko verged on a panic attack.

Then that stupid crow had shown up, screeching and cawing at the window. Yumiko narrowed her eyes and approached it, intending to chase it away with a piece of her mind for disturbing you until - oh god, it could talk.

“Tomioka looking for (y/l/n)! Tomioka looking for (y/l/n)!”

Tomioka? Wasn’t that the name of the man you had cried yourself over, the one that had broken your heart so bitterly? What right did he have to come looking for you now? Yumiko scowled. She was going to give him something to look for alright.

Then you groaned and it gave her pause. You had talked about the insane skills of a Hashira before - this good-for-nothing Tomioka would be able to arrive far faster and navigate the dangerous paths easily. Surely Hashira would have some basic first aid knowledge too? He could bring you down to the village, if nothing else. Fine.

“Yumiko! What are you doing?” Your great-uncle appeared behind her, voice laced with worry.

“This crow belongs to a Hashira, a friend of (y/n) or something - we could get him to come here and help bring nee-san to the village. Even if the doctor got here they’d never be able to bring her down!”

His face betrayed nothing, but he nodded and turned to the preening bird. “Kanzaburo, tell Giyuu to come to Mount Asagiri now. A message from Sakonji Urokondaki.”

***

Giyuu made it up the mountain in record time.

He rushed to the old house where he had spent his childhood training with Sabito, opening the doors in a hurry. Of course, if Urokondaki had gotten injured outside, he should go look-

“You!” The both of your mouths dropped open and uttered the same word in the same shock.

“I - (y/n)? What are you - what are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here?” You countered. Giyuu’s eyes were wide as saucers and you had no doubt yours was the same.

“My crow told me Urokondaki was injured -” Wait, but you were clearly the one injured here: pale face and horrible bruising on your foot. And his crow was old, not unknown for getting messages mixed up. But if so, that meant - “You never told me you were an Urokondaki.”

“He’s my great-uncle. You’re the one he trained?” How did your brain never make the connection before between Giyuu and the boy from your great uncle’s training back then? For that matter how did you both somehow never mention it?

“And you’re only here to get nee-san down to the village to get treated!” Yumiko darted into the room, hostile and clearly mistrustful. “She broke her ankle and we can’t get her down, so if you want to make up for making her cry over you every day you’ll do something about it!”

Your face burned at your sister’s words but Giyuu felt like somebody had stabbed a katana into his heart. Had you really? He felt like a horrible person. An actual demon. He should probably commit seppuku right now for making an angel like you weep - one thing at a time, he had to help you now.

Without a word Giyuu suddenly scooped you up in his arms, pressing you close to him and carefully adjusting his hold so that it was both tight and comfortable before making his speedy (and hopefully safe) way down the mountain. There would be a time to confess what he’d been holding back all along another time.

Yumiko watched from the doorway skeptically. “Is this really who nee-san fell for? He already broke her heart once. What’s to say he won’t do it again?”

Urokondaki stepped out from the shadows, observing the retreating form of his former student. He laid a hand on Yumiko’s shoulder. “I’m sure Giyuu won’t.”

***

“Why’d you come back?”

“…maybe we should talk when you’re not in pain.”

“Giyuu, I’ve got enough painkiller potions and herbs and things inside of me to subdue Muzan himself. Just - if you’re not going to tell me, don’t - don’t give me false hope.” You rolled onto your side, away from him, so he couldn’t see your expression.

“Do - do you want real hope then?” Giyuu said weakly.

“What?” You twisted your head around slightly.

“I -” Giyuu half smiled, half winced awkwardly. “I think I fell for you from the start. I just didn’t know it until later. I don’t have a lot of friends and I thought after that lunch we had together you’d be driven off too, but you kept coming back. Again and again. You just - invaded my brain and I couldn’t do a thing without you on my mind.”

At least you turned around fully now, even sitting up. “Go on.”

“But…you know what happened to Sabito, my sister. I was so afraid - so afraid the one bright thing in my life would get taken away because…I know I don’t deserve you. Or even worthy of you. I was even more afraid that you’d die because I wasn’t there, or I wasn’t strong enough.”

“Giyuu-”

“Then you told me you liked me and - maybe we both could’ve been happy, but I couldn’t…I couldn’t bear it if you died. You were too close. I’m not supposed to be happy. I’m so, so sorry I pushed you away like that so cruelly, but I didn’t know how else.”

“What made you change your mind, then?” Giyuu had never spoken so much before. Your fingers crept closer and laid on his.

“…I’m not sure, honestly. Kanroji, probably. I just saw everyone and I wanted…I wanted to hold your hand and go walking. I want to get married with you and…whatever married people do. And then if we don’t get killed by demons I want to grow old with you - no, no! Wait, don’t cry!”

Giyuu leaned forward, hastily wiping roughly at your cheeks. You hiccupped but giggled. “Don’t worry, I’m just - you always surprise me and I think I’m so happy I could actually explode.”

“Please don’t.”

“That’s not the end of your big speech is it?” Your hand closed around the one cupping your face.

“No,” Giyuu admitted. “One more.”

“And…?”

“Cliche, but I think I love you.”

“Let me make it more cliche.”

You grabbed his face and kissed him.

***

BONUS:

“And your dad and I lived happily ever after!”

“Waaaah! That’s so rom - rom -ah -tic!” Your younger daughter, Sumire clapped her hands and giggled, snuggling closer into Giyuu. “I wanna be like that when I grow up!”

“Ew. You kissed after saying that?” Koji rolled his eyes, throwing the pillow he had been hugging down. You snorted and yanked at his black hair playfully.

“Why, don’t like that?”

“Maybe he thinks girls still have cooties,” Giyuu offered, poking Sumire’s chubby cheeks.

“Do not! I just meant - argh! Dad, why didn’t you kiss Mom? That’s not manly at all!”

You broke into a peal of laughter at both Koji’s words and Giyuu’s face. Sumire joined you but stopped when she noticed her dad hiding his pink face. “Who taught you what was manly?”

“Uncle Nemi!”

Giyuu looked at you beseechingly. “I told you we shouldn’t have visited Shinazugawa.”

[monnn]

Am I the greatest bastard that you know?

staring: idol! jeonghan x non-idol!, gn! s/o

wc: 1.3k-ish

genre: ANGST. big angry feelings of reader, kinda fluff towards the end?

a/n: hi, ur fav angst lover is back! things have not been great lately and this fic might just be a vent of mine. big feelings and anger is very valid but so is taking a break. hope you realise that and take a break from life to just exist! to whoever's reading this, i love u, let things take time, take time for yourself, stay hydrated and BE ANGRY!!!

divider by @saradika-graphics !!!

song rec for this fic is The Greatest Bastard by Damien Rice!

knowing how stressful going on a hiatus can be, you successfully lure jeonghan into a staycation, away from the city. though han had to be present for rehab, you had checked with the doctor and he was okay with han being away for a weekend. doing nothing was the plan since jeonghan was actively burning out from working hard to the extent that he's injured, so he was looking forward to spend time with his loved one for a while. what neither of you knew was the fight that would gonna pop up at reaching the room. hannie had drove all the way to the hotel since you didn't have a license and all you had done after reaching there was ask what he wanted to eat since y'all had skipped the rest stops.

~ 30 mins before

"hey love, what do you feel like eating? i could order it for us" you ask a very eepy han.

"just anything, i'm okay with anything" he replies and you can sense the exhaustion in his voice. to make sure you don't get him more grumpy, you ask again to confirm if he's sure about his decision.

"jesus y/n! can you cut me some slack? just stop fucking bothering me and order whatever the fuck you want!" he yells, shaking you to the core.

here's the thing - there necessarily hasn't been any major disagreements or "fights" in your relationship, so the intensity of his feelings get to you. but he should've known better than to snap because your rage knows no bounds and hannie does know about this.

"well, fuck you with that behaviour of yours, i'm not gonna be ordering any food!"

"good! because i don't fucking need it anymore either!" he screams, walking away from the room. you had put great effort in picking a room which is right by a stream, surrounded by mountains and a temple on one of the mountains.

trying not to mind the rage and disappointment with han, you chug a glass of water before doing anything. but you weren't gonna let han off the hook because he was having a hard time. the value you hold for yourself is much more important and you've tried so hard to just have that value in your life for so long, hence you are not going to let the love of your life doubt on it. finishing another glass of water, you leave the room in search of hannie with some snacks and a drink.

you are yet find han with the passing time. he wasn't by the stream, hadn't left the premises according to the owner and definitely hadn't hiked up a mountain(cause bro was literally eepy). but the one place you hadn't scraped was the temple, so you hydrate and go on to check if he's there.

in fact, he is there. his silhouette seems regretful. melancholic even. hunched over and zoning out by overthinking. you stomp your way towards the temple, letting him know of your arrival as he fixes his posture and keeps his gaze down. leaving your shoes behind, you enter the temple and kneel infront of han to provide well-needed snacks and water. he whispers a small 'thank you' and you move aside to sit away from him. not that you wanted to, rather wanting to just talk without any physical contact. you see him chug the water and eat his snacks, making a part of you feel relieved. after finishing his nibbles, han thinks he's ready to talk cause he knows it's better to do this right now than to dwell and let it become bigger.

"y/n, i'm sorry. i am not gonna reason myself for my actions towards you but i do wanna let you know i'm really tired. probably beyond exhaustion. i love you but that was really wrong of me to behave that way when you were just trying to make me feel better." he begins.

"okay, i accept your apology. but i'm not sorry because i haven't done anything wrong. and i'm gonna have to get this off my chest cause if i don't say it now, it's just gonna grow and rot in me." you say, stretching out your hand for him to hold. hannie slips his palm in yours and there's a little squeeze from both of you before letting go.

"okay, i'm gonna listen what you have to say and i'm sure i'll have things to say after, but i'm gonna listen to you first." he says, reassuring you.

"thank you. i hope you know that i was just trying to be of help and not a bother. you snapping at me was unnecessary, which you know by now and it scared me han. for a moment, you were an angry stranger to me and it made me so angry too. why? because i don't deserve to be treated like this han, you know how hard life has been and still is for me." you pause, taking a deep breath as you feel tears welling up your eyes. but one look at hannie and you know he's making space for your anger, willing for you to continue.

shit, you really do love him.

"i understand how mentally and physically exhausting things have been for the past week or so. i understand so much han, i really do. but that does not give you any leverage to be rude or angry at me. regardless of the terrible things i deal with in my life, i'm really trying to be positive towards our relationship and this unconsciously might've broken a part of me. maybe i'm being dramatic but my feelings are big and valid. i love you but we'll need to work on this at our own pace, yeah? what do you think?" you finish, catching a breath that you didn't realise was held.

jeonghan takes a deep breath, before he begins. taking one look at you, he fidgets with his phone and tries to talk cause he has to start somewhere.

"firstly, i am really sorry love. i wanna let you know that i regret my actions and shouldn't have behaved that way towards you. it's just been really hard for me to go into a break from being so packed with schedules. i don't think i've rested at all since i started working and it's just a lot. it's a lot because i now am realising the importance of rest and that solely is beyond overwhelming. but now that i'm here, i want to make the best of it and spend as much time as i can with the people i love. again, i can't think of anything other than apologising because you don't deserve that. i have no right to be treating you that way when you've put your complete trust and love in me. i'm so sorry again love, i want to work on this. i'm not sure how but i wanna work on us, with you. i love you." he finishes, letting out a loud sob. you hold yourself back from going and holding him cause he needs this more than anything else.

instead you move next to him, taking one of his hands in yours. hannie turns to look at you and lays his head on your shoulder, not caring about drenching your shirt. you gently caress his hand as he calms down and give him some water to hydrate. disconnecting from your hand, he drinks the water and wipes his face but intertwines your arm in both of his the moment he's done. there's a moment of stillness felt, as he leans onto your shoulder, nuzzling further into your neck. you haven't felt this feeling ever and just being present makes you realise that there is always space to be wrong and learn in love. not sure if it's the same with everyone else, but you know for sure it is with jeonghan.

[toxicanonymity]

Jailbird.

1.5k / Cellmate’s nephew!Joel x inmate f!reader

thank you @iamasaddie for the mood board!!!

PART 2 HERE: Collect calls

Summary: Your cellmate introduces you to her hot nephew and he comes to visitation hours. A/N: Part 1 of 3. This one is due to @beskarandblasters and @wannab-urs and their hilarious list of new joel tropes and @raccoonhandedhottie's nerve to put the idea of doing one in my head. My masterlist WARNINGS: References to sex work, ACAB. Horny phone/visitation talk, mild/non-explicit over-pants masturbation. Mickey Avalon Easter egg.

Without Mabel, you're not sure how you would've survived your first six months in lock-up. You were cuffed for solicitation when a dirty cop wouldn't pay what he owed.  He says he took it easy on you -- you also clawed him and spit in his face.  As soon as you told your new cellmate what really happened, she took a liking to you. She said you should've bitten him in the pecker.   Mabel had been there, done that. She even knew of the cop who put you away.  It wasn't Mabel's first time behind bars. She had the ink and reputation to prove it. Her knuckles said "TAKE NONE" and that was accurate.  By now, nobody gave her any shit. Soon enough, no one gave you any either. 

Mabel had a few photographs on her wall, mostly of her and a younger man. Not a particularly young man, but certainly younger than Mabel. He was probably in his early forties in the pictures, which were five years prior, before she violated her parole. She was giving you a poke and stick tat of a four leaf clover on your hand one day when you asked about the pictures. 

"I was wonderin' when ya were gonna ask about my lil Jojo. I've seen ya lookin' at him, ya little horndog..." 

She let you stammer around in response. "No, I, I'm just, making conversation, wanna get to know you better." 

"It's okay, baby. He's my nephew. All I got left. He's a neat kid."

"He looks happy to be with you–ouch!"

"Don't be a pussy. Oh, he's a real sweet boy. Bet he'd like you, too."

"What makes you say that?"

She looked up from your hand "cause ya got a cunt and you're not bad lookin'," she laughed. "Hey,” she raised her eyebrows. “You ever wanna borrow one of those pics, you let me know, I'll give ya some privacy."

"No thanks."

"Oh, come on. You can fold it so ya don't have to see my pretty face." 

You laughed. 

"Bet he'd dick ya down real good, too."

"What?" You asked, quietly disturbed. 

"He lives with me. Walls are thin." 

"Ah. That must be awkward."

"Not really! We're all human. I could even tell ya the kinda shit he says if ya want. He can get real filthy.  Or shit, I could just give ya his number."

"That's ok."

"Baby, he'd love to hear from ya. Trust me. I've told him all about ya." She put down the needle and picked up a tissue to dab your skin. 

"You have??"

"Oh yeah. Here, I'm gonna write it down." 

She took one of the photos off the wall and wrote his number on the back. Then she folded it in half and winked at you as she handed it to you. 

—----------------

It only took a week of her nagging for you to call “Jojo.” 

Your breath hitched when you heard his smooth, deep voice. The first thing he said was, “Ah, call me Joel,” and you could hear the smile on his face. 

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” you laughed. “Well your aunt’s told me a lot about you, Joel.” 

“Yeah, I can only imagine what,” he faux grumbled. “Real character, ain’t she?”

“I love Mabel,” you blurted out. 

You found yourself opening up about how in some ways, she was more of a mother figure than you ever had.  Joel was easy to talk to. It just came pouring out. You told him about Mabel’s antics and the mischief the two of you got up to. Things you’d steal from the cafeteria. The way Mabel kept the ladies in line who tried to dom you. Next thing you knew, your time was up.  You apologized profusely for talking Joel’s ear off about yourself. 

“Nahhhh, it was nice,” Joel said. “Hell of a lot more interesting than my life.”

“Well it was good talking to you,” you told him. 

He said, “Hey, call me back any time.”

There was nothing sexy at all about that first conversation, but his voice did something to you.  You squeezed your thighs together when you got back to your cell and looked at the photo. Mabel kept giving you a knowing look. 

—------

You started calling Joel regularly.  Mabel told you he liked you a lot, but you weren’t sure if you should believe her. She seemed overly eager to set him up. The conversations were brief and casual. When you didn’t call him one week, the next time you spoke, he told you he missed the sound of your voice. 

Something came over you and you broke the tension. “My voice?” you asked. “Joel, your voice. . . you dunno what it does to me,” you blurted out. Zero to sixty, just like that. 

“Well damn,” Joel said. “Shoulda said somethin’. Coulda given ya better than stories about Mabel.” 

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Like whatever ya want, jailbird.” Your heart fluttered “Whatever gets ya hot and bothered.” 

“Honey, you could read me the phone book,” you told him. 

He chuckled. “Haven’t seen one of those in a few years.”  His voice was sexy to begin with but the sharp edge of the phone connection made it even hotter. 

After a moment of tense silence, he said, “Hey, uh, you notice any of your pictures missin’?”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, Mabel mailed me one. Didn’t tell me you were a fuckin’ smokeshow.”

You laughed bashfully. 

“Well she did. But I had to see it for myself, and shit”

“Well, thanks. You’re not bad looking yourself.” 

Your time was almost up. 

“Hey I’m comin’ to see Mabel later this week. Y’all got the same visitor’s night or what? Cause I’d love to see you, too, if it’s allowed.” 

“Nah, mine’s the next night.” 

“S’alright, i’ll come back for ya, sugar.” Your heart skipped a beat. 

“I’ve gotta go.”

“I know. Be good, jailbird.” 

—--------

It was visitation day and you were getting nervous. Mabel thought it was adorable. She helped you get ready. Did your hair nice. “He’s already smitten with ya, baby,” she said. 

You were escorted into the visitation room and sat at one of the booths, separated by glass, with a phone on each side. 

When Joel came in, you didn’t recognize him at first.  In just those five years, his beard had turned half-silver.  He was striking in person.  He was wearing a tight t-shirt and jeans. Tight jeans. You couldn’t help but size up the bulge in them. 

When you looked up at his face, he was raising his eyebrows at you like he caught you looking.  He sat down and put his elbows on the table. You picked up the phone, a little nervous, but more excited than anything.  He checked you out and smiled at you coyly before picking up the phone. 

“Like what ya see?” he said softly into the phone. 

You replied with a low whistle, then asked, “You always dress like a piece of meat?” He had a few hand tattoos of his own. Faded, blurred together. A spade between his thumb and forefinger. A spiderweb curving around one of his biceps. He’d probably done his own time. 

“When the hell are ya gettin’ outta here?”

“Up for parole next month,” you said. 

“No shit!” He looked genuinely excited. 

“Mabel didn’t tell you?”

“Thought she was yankin’ my chain.” He stretched his free hand behind his head and you watched his bicep.  “You been good? Think you’ll get out?” 

“Haven’t been bad.” 

“Good.” He lowered his voice. “‘Cause sugar, I’m gonna need to see what’s under that garb.”

You smiled with faux shyness, and he continued, “God damn,” looking at you like a juicy leg of lamb. 

You stared at each other, checking each other out for a moment. You watched his pupils dilate as your chest rose and fell with desire. 

You made small talk for a minute or two, all the while fucking each other with your eyes. But, things took a turn again.

“What do you miss the most?” he asked in a low, sultry voice. “Bet ya don’t miss the clients.” 

You shook your head. 

He lowered his voice further. “When’s the last time ya had a nice hard cock ya really wanted?”

Your eyes widened. “Shit, I dunno.” 

“Ohhh you’re in for it.” You looked around, paranoid, in disbelief that you could get away with a conversation like this. “Ain’t nothin’ harder than mine, baby.” He reached his hand into his lap. “Fuck. ‘specially for you.” You could see his arm moving very slowly but there was no mistaking what he was doing.  His eyes devoured you.

“Joel,” you sighed. “Fuck, I believe it.” 

And just like that, a guard approached him from behind. “Time’s up,” the guard said and glared at you.  You rolled your eyes as a guard approached you, too.

Joel said “Later, jailbird” and hung up the phone.  When he stood up, his massive erection was visible and made your heart skip a beat.  You glanced up to his face and he was wetting his lips. He winked at you with pink cheeks and your eyes immediately fell back to his crotch as he adjusted himself and the guard hurried him away. 

FUCK. You were gushing. Mabel’s Jojo. Joel. What a man.

---------

Part 2

Ty for reading. strip club manager!Joel will be an alternate timeline of this Joel set in the past while Mabel was on parole. DIFFERENT READER. preview

this trope actually gave me so many more elaborate ideas lmao.

------

All Joel:@ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxious @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose @fandomsfallnomore @djarinxore @blackvelveteen1339 @manazo @wolvesandvampires @taeslarityy @str84pedro @lokanda  @kyloispunk @filthfairy @fieryglutenfreechickennoodles @harriedandharassed @moonlightdivine @worhols @fan-fiction-floozy @cutesyscreenname   @weddingfairy @pedropascal-whore @spideysimpossiblegirl @feministfanboi @gracieispunk @prettypartyfavor @am-3-thyst @babeincolor @milla-frenchy @switchbladedreamz @within-the-depths @am-3-thyst @may-machin @pedromania91 @sloanexx @paleidiot @yourmistysecret

[crabonfire]

Scout falling for reader

characters: scout

tags: fluff

note: writing this on a whim and ignoring all the other drafts I really wanted to write! also hi :)

I was writing an enemies to lovers but um....maybe later

I have a love for scout okay :( I'm sorryyyyyyyyy ill do full characters right after this one (I'm in a writing mood for once in years)

and of course reblogs and comments very much appreciated <3

♡Scout♡

• You were really the only true friend he had in the base. He considered all the other mercs his friend too but, he knew they'd never really share that friendship. He felt appreciated, and had someone to talk to who would really listen to him, not finding him stupid like the others do.

• He didn't realize he fell for you. The last time he fell for someone he acted shy, aloof, awkward and honestly embarrassed himself a little. He never knew what to say. So it took him a while to figure out he liked you, because whenever you two spoke, words always came so easily to him.

• The day he truly does realize his feelings though, is a day like any other. Your team, victorious, going out for drinks at the local bar. Scout could never handle himself well to alcohol, and you didn't really seem to be a drinker either. You two were sitting outside for the most part, laughing and making fun of the other team, as well as you listened to him ramble on his accomplishments of the day.

• Though, something lingered on his mind. A question he really thought about for a while. He knew you wouldn't judge, so he asked you your opinion.

"How long do you think we're gonna have to do this for?"

• You turned to him, confused. He continues.

"Fighting. Like- how long do you think it'll take before it's over? I'm not sayin' I don't enjoy kicking the other teams ass or the money we get, but well- I don't know."

Anytime he asked this question, Spy, Demo, everyone in the team really, all just said "not to think about it and to do it until it's done." He was never satisfied with that answer.

He saw how you contemplated it for a moment, seeing a small smile curl onto your lips when you looked back at him to reply.

"I don't know. It's probably for a bit longer, I mean- it's been 2 years. Pretty sure there were mercs before us who fought for this stupid war.*

You paused, "Why? You wanna quit or something?"

He shook his head. "Quit being able to kill people for a bunch of money? No way! I just- I think of doing other stuff. We barely have any free time and I don't wanna do this stuff till I'm old or something. And I know old- just look at Spy. He's probably from the ice age or somethin'."

• You snorted, chuckling a little at his comment. He smiled, he always liked to see you laughing at his jokes, made him feel funnier than he really was. You mirrored his smile, turning to look at the road. The night was a bluish gray, a striking contrast to the liveliness and warmth the bar brought.

"I get it."

It went quiet, he wondered if that was it.

"I don't wanna grow old and retire from this job either. But I don't think it'll be so bad."

"Really? Why?" He asked.

• He saw the way you turned to look at him, that same smile he knew all too well, one side of your face shone so brightly under the bars lighting while the other side was slightly masked with moonlight. Your reply was so simple, but it made his heart race.

"You'll be there. And I guess having you around makes things less worse."

• He stared bashfully at you upon hearing those very words. His palms got sweatier than they usually did as he felt his chest tighten. You must've noticed, because you let out an embarrassed chuckle.

"Haha- that was corny as hell. Anyway, I'm gonna go get another pack of soda for us."

• You stood up and walked back to the bar, but he couldn't look away from where you sat before. His face felt warm, damn.

He didn't know what it was. Maybe it should've hit him sooner, the fact he had feelings for you. The fact that- whenever you pull him in for a hug, his heart beats a little bit faster. When you laugh with him he laughs just a little harder because your laugh is his favorite. That your playful fighting with each other, it really does mean a lot to him.

All he knew was from that day on, it became difficult to think of you without realizing everything it was he loved about you.

♡♡♡

I don't know how to write endings anyway scout fans here's your food I know it's been a while it's okay mama is here 🫂

and yesssss sigh don't worry there are other fics I'm writing 😪 just...wanted to do scout first as a practice :)

hope you enjoyed! reblogs and comments always appreciated, I'd love to know your own opinions of scout and such!!! #scoutlover

[evenmorefatallyobsessed]

Milfs Models Candidates

Okay, so after many suggestions and research I've found some more possible Milf Candidates for me to make in the future. I would say don't judge me... But I think that'd be a lost cause.

Milf 01. Tsuki Uzaki

Y'know it's funny, I actually hate Hana, like she is kinda insufferable to me, I feel bad for Shinichi... Her mother, and sister (And Maybe Brother?) on the other hand... Yeah Tsuki is a top Class Milf.

Milf 02. Mitsuki Bakugo

I love her look, her attitude, just a perfect Milf, I shouldn't have to say more...

Milf 03. Nana Shimura

Muscle Momm-'Cough, Cough' Sorry, anyways, I like Nana, in the same way I like Endeavor, that is to say I like how their flawed individuals. But her flaw is the same as Summer's, she cares too much about doing good to the point where she hurt those close to her... Honestly someone should've slapped some sense into her when she decided to abandon her son. Like I get it, she just lost her husband the big bad would've targeted him... BUT C'MON!!! WHY WOULD YOU THINK OFA WASN'T ALREADY TARGETING YOU!!! Like she gets some leeway because obviously after just losing her husband she couldn't have been in the right state of mind but someone should've realized that possibility.

Milf 04. Lusamine

I hesitated with her mainly because I'd have to use the Hair accessories for her, and wouldn't be able to make other hair styles convincingly. But Yeah I'll probably be making her soon, cuz damn man, she's up there with Cynthia.

Milf 05. Susan Luong-Long

I, and I'm sure a good number of guys (And Girls) who blame this character for our fascination with Asian mommies...

Milf 06. Delia Ketchum

Honestly lowkey one of the best Pokémon Milfs.

Milf 07. Pokémon Black & White's Mom

Yeah, Pokémon knows exactly what it's doing by making Milfs like this...

Milf 08. Johanna (Dawn's Mom)

I Love Her Design, it's rather simple but utterly perfect!

Milf 09. Grace (Pokémon X & Y's Mom)

A sporty, country, mom who looks like she's ready to ride a bull, they really didn't use her near enough.

Milf 10. Prof. Sada

She makes me return to monke... those abs make, that tan, her wild look. Just, y'know a lot of people bought Scarlet for her alone...

Milf 11. Pokémon Scarlet & Violet's Mom

Penny was right, their mom is hot... I prefer the model with paler skin and deep brown hair myself.

Milf 12. Pokémon Sword & Shield's Mom

Not gonna lie, never played sword or shield, but I gotta say, she is a pretty mom. I like the glasses look with the overalls, gives her a fun vibe. I feel like there'll be a shock factor if I put her in other outfits too, so that'll be fun to see.

Milf 13. Pokémon Black & White 2's Mom

Mostly I wanna make her cuz there is a absolute lack of content of her and I'm kinda digging the idea of making her look utterly different with her hair down.

Milf 14. Lila Test

Y'know, I already wanna make Susan & Mary Test for Dexter when I get to him, so why not the mom too.

Milf 15. Charlotte Pickles

These three images convinced me, at first I couldn't see it, but thank you Anon, I've been shown the light. I like Milf in suits apparently... I learned something new about myself.

Milf 16. Jane Jetson

Ahh, Boomerang, how I miss you, this is just a Atlas Mom to me, and I feel like this further proves my childhood interest in redheads...

Milf 17. Wilma Flintstone

Y'know, I would complain that I can't find a decent pic of Wilma without Betty in it... Wait, No I Wouldn't! She next anyways. Well, this only serves to prove the whole Redheads thing lil' me had going on. I'mma say there from a Secluded Vacuian tribe, fucking savages... Hot, hot savage Milf.

Milf 18. Betty Rubble

Cavewoman are justice, and need to reenter the genepool of Remnant.

Milf 19. Carol from OK K.O.

Okay, so recently someone's ask me to make characters from OK K.O. Let's Be Heroes. Specifically Fink & Wilhamena, and to that all I have to say is... HOW DARE YOU NOT MENTION CAROL!!! Dude! Tanned Muscle Mommy! Seriously, she looks like she could be a badass. Not sure how faithful to the design I can be, or well want to be but I definitely like this character.

Milf 20. Wilhamena from OK K.O.

I mean, I get why so many people brought her up, I am looking forward to making this design, seems like it'd be fun. Still kinow nothing about the show though...

Okay, Last four... Gonna get a bit weird, feel free to judge me -_-

Milf 21. Nicole Watterson

I'd probably use the middle design as her actual model in Remnant making her a Faunus. Her Semblance would be '2D' Which references her cartoon origin but also can me Two Ds/ Doppelgangers, but well neither actually look like her but she can share her senses with them or have them act independently.

Milf 22. Lin (Millie's Mom)

Not gonna lie, I wanna make her half to have her get hate fucked (At Least at first), not the most honorable of intentions but FUCK HER!!! I get she's Millie's Mom, and a seemingly good one, but she hates Moxxie Way Too Much! How Can You Hate Moxxie! He's Adorable and a utterly devoted Husband! What, Just Cuz He's Not Country Strong, Fuck Off, No, Fuck Her! Fuck All The Bitch Outta This Milf With a Big Human Cock!

Milf 23. Toriel from Undertale

She is Literally the Goat HAHAHA!!! Okay but seriously I kinda have to make her. There is just WAY too much content for me to have ignored her. I typed in Game Milfs and this Goat showed up more then the Pokémon Moms.

Milf 24. Mrs. Kattswell

... God Dammit, I'm a fucking furry...

[feverish-cuddles]

Okay I'm really into humiliation + contagion+ mess, so here's a lil scene.

B has come down with probably the worst headcold they've ever had. Definately the drippiest, every sneeze forcing out more snot from the red, swollen passages. They texted A requesting they pick up some more tissues on their way home, and thankfully A listened. When A came home B was in the middle of a fit or well trying to get it out. Holding a tissue to their nose to try and hide all the mess threatening to come out. The bed was covered in used tissues and the one in hand looked like it should've been tossed by now. A couldn't help but grin at this. Seeing the poor thing with tears in their eyes, gasping desperately, their body shivering from not only chills but the need to sneeze! "aaaw my my my, look at you, seems like you really did catch the worst of it, my love." A smirked sliding beside them on the bed with a fresh box of tissues. B sighed as the sneeze fades away again though their face blushed brighter than what the fever gave them. They started sniffling trying to keep back the flood of mess which A caught onto. "You sound rather stuffy, honey, why don't I help you." Opening the box A pulled up a tissue, using their other hand to lower the one B had pressed to their nose. When they did this this had all the snot leaking back down. A then held the tissue just under their nose to catch what was dripping. "Oh look at that poor nose of yours, so drippy and red, it looks so angry too. One sneeze and I think its going to be more than a little mess." B kept trying to sniffle and snort the long thick cords back up, A wrapped and arm around then and gave them soft encouragements. "thats it love, try and sniffles all that back in" "you can do it" "oh there's so much, I'll help you keep it in okay. Just keep going" sdff sdfff sddrrrrck sdck! Finally all of it just barely managed to go back inside. A tilted B's face to make sure. seeing just how full their nose really was. All that snot was blocking B up badly. The nostrils flared widely trying to push the slimy stuff back out, but B did their best to keep it in. "there you go, love. See isn't that better, you did so good sniffling all that snot back in. Should I take away the tissue now?" B shook their head and used their hand to keep A's up at their nose. A soft hitching sound came, A could feel their breathes against their palm even through the tissue. A knew what would happen next, and decided to tease B. "aw is your nose tickling, I bet all that sniffling is making you feel sneezy huh? You don't wanna make a big mess do you? It'd get all over you and that pretty face of yours." B whimpered a little at this blushing harder, they tried to keep a handle on it but. Soon A started to use the tissue to rub a their septum and the tip of their nose. Feeling the soft cloth making teasing circles and rubs at the sensitive and raw skin of their nose. B's mouth dropped right open, their hitches growing desperate as were their sniffles. A could feel the snot beginning to leak out and onto the tissue in their hand, practically pouring out.

"oh it must be so tickly, darling sniffling back all that snot, feeling it drag against the inside of your nose aaaw. I bet its almost unbearable for you, and I know this cold has you sensitive." without a second longer B gasps and sneezed, and sneezed, and sneezed. The sneezes were just a forceful as they were desperate. Their nose doing all it could to get this nasty cold out. Snot soaked the tissue with in the first three sneezes, the next absolutely obliterated it leaving A's palm drenched in spray and snot.

When the fit slowed to a stop, B's nose was trembling, anything could set it off now and it looked like it needed to blow badly. Luckily they had A there to get them through it.

"oh look at the mess you've made darling, you're getting that cold of yours everywhere~"

[uinmyheart]

[♡] "Hey, stranger"

"Hello, youuuu" you instantly smile after hearing his voice.

"How's everything going over there?" you ask. You're sitting in your pajamas, skincare routine already finished and putting some lotion on your legs. it's been ages since the last time you were able to do this properly.

"Well, our dear Hanni has been acting like a brat all day just because she misses you. She's been acting like i'm the devil." you hear a certain echo of his voice as well as the knocks of pans and silverware which probably means he's wrapping up the night routine while your call stays on speakers.

"I'm guessing you had an eventful day." you smile.

"And that's to say the least." you both giggle. "I'm not sure about letting Hanni continue with her football lessons. She's starting to grow some muscles and now I'm scared of a pre-teen that just happens to be my only daughter."

"I don't think it's the football lessons, babe. It's that age." you giggle. You're so happy to hear them and your heart aches now that you're not with them.

As soon as your daughter started growing, it was time to get back on your feet and start working again, but every single time you had to pack your things for a quick work trip, it became even more difficult than the previous one. Maybe it's the constant fear of missing out on things that happen in your house, or not being able to be in control of everything that's happening over there, but being completely honest, you cannot really complain about the perks that came with work travelling. The suite your workplace had provided for your stay, and the clean bathtub in your bathroom wasn't so bad either.

"I mean, you should've seen me driving over here with a car full of annoying teens making fun of everything that I did or said. The way they made fun of my nose for more than 20 minutes almost made me cry, honestly." hearing you giggle out loud makes him lightly smirk even though deep inside he still feels hurt by the way his own blood had betrayed him like that in front of all of her friends. "And feeding those demons.. It's insane. I'm going have to squeeze in a quick run to the grocery store. We're out of.. oh, yeah. Everything. They even found those special cookies we keep hidden for our movie nights."

"Ooh, babe. It was time you found out. Hanni has been eating them non-stop. That place is not a secret anymore. I just stopped restocking those because she always checks right after coming back home. It's taking a toll on our sweet treat budget." you deliver the bad news with a pretty big smile on your face, already imagining the look of confusion on his.

"That's insane. She's insane." "I know, right? But at least she's cute, though."

"Yeah, she really is. You should see the way she scrunches her nose when she runs on the field. Totally cute." he gushes and you can only hum in response. "What about you, though? How's my management & sales senior doing?"

"It's pretty boring over here, I must say." you sigh. "Boring deals with boring people. Cannot complain though, not allowed." you both giggle. "You wanna guess what I did today?" he hums.

"I had a 20 minute shower." he groans in response. "No complaints and no banging on the door."

"You're killing me over here!"

"And when I got out, I asked for room service. Had some fried chicken, some pizza and now I'm even waiting for dessert!"

"Are you guys hiring? Maybe I can squeeze in my résumé and a couple of interviews."

"I'm not sure relationships between coworkers are allowed over here.."

"For a night like that I could leave my wife." all jokes aside, "Hey!" you instantly exclaim, feigned offense laced in your voice.

"I know, baby. I know. Just joking." you smile at him. "So... what are you wearing? Do you miss me?"

Before you could even think about a cheeky response. A big, loud, and clear. "EW!" is heard right on cue. There's your girl.

"Dad, you're so disgusting." you can hear your husband loud complaints as well as your daughter's perfectly clear light hearted insults to his father.

"So what? Is it a crime to love your mother? I'm not apologizing for that."

"You're both too old for this! At least don't do it in a common area on speaker!"

As you stay silent for a couple of seconds you get to hear the way they go back and forth as Hanni continues to emphasize how embarrassed she feels by your behaviour. Teens can be so intense, you cannot help but roll your eyes.

"Anyways... Mom? Are you there?" your girl asks.

"Yes, my lovely daughter. How are you? Do you miss me?"

"Incredibly much. Dad over here is embarrassing me at school and at practice as well." you smile at what she tells you. You miss this banter even though you get to have a taste just by the phone.

"I'm sure he is. I made sure to give him instructions on how to!" Hanni whines on the phone and you can hear Jungkook in the background making slight fun of her.

"So, mom..." "Yes?" "I've been thinking.. since you're already there.." You know exactly where this is going. "Can i send some stuff for you to buy? There's this new lip glo-"

"Jeon Hanni! You're in so much trouble. Why would you use your time to talk to your mom to ask her stuff?!" Hanni whines as Jungkook continues. "That is not how I raised you!"

"Dad, you're so annoying. For real."

To cut things short, you ended up compromising on bringing your daughter this new lip gloss everyone's talking about and a new water bottle she insists that will help her performance on football practice. Absolutely ridiculous, yet you agreed on buying it just to make her happy.

And at the end of the night, when you're unable to get some sleep as you shine in the glow the television gives you, you're awoken from your trance-like state by a message from your husband.

It's the best way to end a mostly perfect day. A pictured of him and your daughter cuddling on your big bed together, her hiding on his chest already sleeping with her mouth wide open and him being his usual cheeky self with his big doe eyes and sticking his tongue out.

"She always caves ❤️ we miss you, honey! Come back soon"

and you cannot wait.

[riordanness]

my tears ricochet - [p.jackson]

1.3K wordcount

warnings: death, serious angst

requested: no

"Okay, everyone ready?" Percy asked, his sea-green eyes searching the crowd. They locked on me for half a moment, then flitted away.

The campers looked grim, but they all nodded and put on brave faces. This was probably the last battle any of us would ever fight, but we had to try. We were the world's last chance.

Percy grimaced, held up his sword, Riptide, and cried: "For Olympus!"

"For Olympus!" The cheer echoed eerily in the dark tunnel, sounding much louder than us fifty kids should've been able to make.

"Alright," Percy said. "Everyone partner up. No leaving your partner, not for anything. Stick together, stay in sight of other pairs, and keep each other safe."

Everyone immediately started grabbing for their friends, chaos erupting like a bonfire.

Percy moved through the crowd towards me. I managed a smile, but I knew it didn't look genuine.

"Hey," I said, my voice a higher pitch then usual. I shrugged my right shoulder a little. "It's gonna be fine, alright? We've got nothing to worry about."

Percy gazed at the other campers, then back at me. "Yeah... yeah of course."

I reached over and squeezed his hand. "Hey, wanna be my partner?" I smirked a little.

Percy's face melted a little, the smile I loved so much shining through the darkness, just a little. "I guess so."

I scoffed. "You guess so? What, I'm not your best friend anymore?"

He suddenly grabbed me and pulled me into a tight hug, arms around my waist. "You're so much more than my best friend," he whispered fiercely.

My heart fluttered, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and squeezed him tight.

"Okay," I said after a moment. "Let's do this thing. And after, as long as you stay alive, lunch is on me."

I held out my pinky, and he linked his around mine. "Deal," he said, a playful gleam in his eyes.

Percy turned to the remainder of Camp Half-Blood. "Campers! Let's, uh, go fight this dude!"

I smiled. This was my best friend. My crazy sidekick. My laughter. My smile. My reason to live. My everything.

He glanced at me, grabbed my hand, and squeezed it three times. "I love you," he began.

"No matter what," I finished with a slight smile. Sadly, Percy's feelings for me were purely platonic.

He would never admit it to me, but I could tell he still had feelings for his ex-girlfriend, Annabeth Chase. She'd left him about two years ago, when her father had dragged her off to Australia.

There was nothing either she or Percy could do about it. They couldn't use phones to contact each other, and Camp Half-Blood needed Percy, so they'd made the decision to break up.

I missed Annabeth. She'd been such an amazing leader, and even though I hadn't known her super well, she'd been so nice to me. I hoped that wherever she was now, she wouldn't mind me loving her Percy.

Percy and I stood back to back, like we had for years. I knew his fighting style so well, and he knew mine just as well.

I gripped the string of my bow, aiming carefully, and releasing it. The arrow soared right into the demon's glowing red eye. Why do they always have to have red eyes?

I cursed under my breath in Ancient Greek. "Dammit," I muttered, biting my thumbnail. I needed to get closer. I needed to get rid of the boomerang thing.

"Percy!" I yelled.

"What?" He swung Riptide into the demon's ankle, cutting a bloody slit. The demon roared in pain, swatting the air in front of Percy, who stumbled out of the way.

"Keep it distracted!" I cried. "I - I think I have an idea!"

His eyes locked with mine. "Are you sure?" His voice sounded shaky.

I nodded firmly. "Yes. Don't worry. I'll come back. I always do. Pinky promise."

I ran to him, linking my pinky with his, giving him one last tight hug. "Okay, now go!" I ordered, pushing him away from me. I couldn't afford to get emotional.

I skirted around the demon's legs, rushing to the back of it. A ruined building lay in pieces, but still had enough intact for me to climb up a fair way. At least two stories, I thought.

I rushed to the building, and inside. A half broken staircase was against one wall, and I hurried up it. At the top, big stone blocks was arranged in a way that made climbing them possible, so I climbed as quickly as I could manage.

I stood at the top of the roof, my t-shirt fluttering in the wind. I brushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and drew my bow. I was level with the demon's other eye now. I just needed to get its attention. "Hey!" I screamed. "Ugly!"

The demon turned, and fixed its fiery eyes on me. My insides felt like a puddle of water, but I gritted my teeth and slowly raised my arm, reaching for an arrow.

Unfortunately, just as my fingertips were brushing the arrow, the demon raised it's boomerang. "Ha-di!" It bellowed.

A glowing red picture flashed in the air, and I knew in my heart that this was it, as searing pain ripped through my body, and I collapsed forward, free-falling two stories down.

Pain. Red. Flashing.

My eyes fluttered open, the harsh sunlight sending shoots of pain to my head. I groaned, but the sound that came out was barely audible.

"Y/N?"

A broken voice. Tears. Pain.

"P-Percy?" I tried to say, my vision blurry. My senses were dull; I couldn't feel anything but the horrible pain.

Everywhere. Pain. A bright light.

"No, Y/N, it's okay," my best friend said, as I lay dying in his arms. I had no idea how I was even alive at this point, I'd fallen all the way to the ground. I'd been hit by that magic spell thing, how was I even breathing?

Breathing. Pain. Ragged.

My short, laboured gasps for air sent sharp shoots of pain rocketing through my lungs and chest. My head pounded, and something warm and wet was trickling down my temple. My vision swam in and out, blurry and indistinguishable.

Pain. Crying. Love.

"No!" Percy's voice was becoming more desperate. "No! You can't take her! You can't!" He was screaming at the sky. "Leave her be! Take me instead! You can't!"

Sobs broke out of him, ripping my heart to shreds. "Don't... don't cry for me Percy," I managed. I tried to touch his cheek, but the effort to move made me gasp in pain. It was too difficult.

"Y/N..." The way he said my name, the way his voice sounded, it was like shattered glass.

"Percy," I breathed. "I love you."

"No matter what," he cried, tears in his voice.

"No matter what..." I repeated. I was losing my grip on reality. Already, my vision was slipping even further into total darkness, I couldn't feel anything but the pain. I was dying. I was.

Death. Love. Pain.

"No. No, you can't leave me, sweetheart," Percy begged. "You have to stay, you have to wake up!" He started getting frantic. "Help! Somebody help me! I need ambrosia, nectar, something..."

His voice broke, as if realisation had finally dawned on him. Nothing could save me now.

This was the end.

Campers gathered around Percy and I, crumpled in a heap on the ground. The war was won, the demons defeated, but victory had come with a price.

A sacrifice. A life. A death.

"Someone help me..." Percy sobbed, holding onto my limp body as he cried. "I love you, Y/N..."

My last glimpse of this life were of his sea-green eyes, filled with tears, as they gazed into my own. Darkness filled my vision, and everything went black.

Death. Dark. Nothing.

[judeswhore]

daft pretty boys; jude bellingham

summary: ice rinks, kisses and penguin skating aids

pairing: jude bellingham x fem!reader

requested: no i was simply bored

notes: you can find my masterlist here

"i don't think these are laced up properly, they feel so loose." jude grumbled low in his throat, tugged a little aggressively at the laces on his skates and huffed when he wiggled his foot out in front of him. you hadn't even made it on to the rink yet and he was already pouting, eyeing the ice like it had wronged him in some past life. you wouldn't be so amused by that if it wasn't for the fact ice skating had been his idea, you'd suggested the two of you just walk the market stalls, but no, jude just had to be physical. even if that physical thing was something he was one hundred percent terrible at.

"need me to do them for you?" you teased softly, giggling into your scarf when you jolted to avoid his elbow in your side. jude narrowed his eyes at you, clearly unamused and pulled one last time at his laces. the two of you were perched on a bench just off the rink as you pulled on your skates, your shoes tucked safely away in a locker inside the building. despite it being just a little after midday, it was bustling with children, younger ones with parents, what seemed to be a school trip of ten year olds and you watched your boyfriend's subtle wince as a little boy tripped and almost crashed against the fence behind you.

"we should've just went for dinner." he mumbled, running a gloved hand over his jaw, brow still crinkled in concern. you bit back your smile, pushed yourself up off the bench so you were standing in front of him, body between his legs.

"this was your idea."

"well now i'm thinking it was a mistake." jude was watching you from beneath his lashes, head tipped back to meet your gaze, his hands reaching to settle on your thighs. you brushed your own hands over his shoulders, fixed the hat on his head with careful fingers as his mouth tipped into a loving smile. despite the cold air a flush settled over you when he used one hand to grip your chin between his fingers and tug you closer until he could slot his lips over yours.

his kiss was soft and slow, lips warm despite the weather and smooth from the chapstick you always forced him to use. you almost melted against him, one hand pressed against the back of his head, the other on his shoulder as you breathed him in, savoured the languid stroke of his tongue over yours. he tasted like hot chocolate and your heart fluttered when he squeezed your thigh, a breathy sigh getting lost in his mouth.

“take you skates off and i’ll take you for dinner.” jude was just as breathless, breath hot against your skin when he pushed a kiss against the corner of your lips. with a grin you shook your head.

“can’t back out now, i wanna see your bambi on ice impression.” your smile made him roll his eyes, head shaking as he pulled completely away from you. he straightened out your scarf and the front of your coat.

"can you even skate?"

"yes.." you tilted your head, brushing your thumb over the back of his neck. "can you?"

"probably."

"probably?" you raised your eyebrows at him, stepping back and holding your hands out, smiling softly when he slipped his fingers through yours and let you pull him to his feet. it was your turn to tilt your head to look at him. "when was the last time you actually went ice skating?" jude was quiet for a couple of seconds, clearly contemplating your question and then he shrugged.

"when i was like eight?"

"you haven't skated in over ten years and you thought it would be a good date idea? baby, you know you have like really bad balance right?" that earned you a glare and a light flick to your ear, his hand pressing against your back to guide you towards the gate. "how do you know you won't fall over and break your neck?"

"i'm sure i'll remember the basics. isn't it like muscle memory?"

"i think that only counts for riding a bike."

"it can't be that hard, one foot in front of the other."

"you're gonna slip and fall and one of those snotty kids is gonna run over your fingers." you glanced over your shoulder to see jude's face twisted, his head shaking. he leant around you to pull the latch on the gate and push it open, his hand firm on the railing to keep him steady. the scent of his aftershave blew over you and despite both of your layers of clothing you could feel the heat of his body against your back.

“you’re acting like you’ve won dancing on ice at some point, you’re probably just as shit.” pushing the gate a little wider, he ushered you on to the ice, following close behind.

“i’m guaranteed to be better than you.”

“i literally make a living from my feet.”

“do you now?” jude caught your taunting tone and the flash of your smirk as you leant up against the railing, watching closely as he pulled the gate shut again, a slight wobble to his actions. he threw you a glare, twisting until he was in front of you again, body weight held up by the fence.

“you’re annoying.” you only grinned, sliding your arm around his waist and pressing yourself against him. you tilted your head and kissed his jaw, nosing softly at his cheek.

“you love me.”

“mhm, sure.” his bored tone made you laugh, breath tickling his neck as you ran your lips repeatedly over the curve of his jaw. the hand that didn’t have a death grip on the fence settled on your back and tugged you even closer until your knees were pressed into his legs and your skates were slotted together.

“say it.”

"no." jude's breath caught in his throat when you brushed your mouth over his, his hand pressing harder against you. you planted a soft kiss over his lips, grinning when he tried to chase your mouth as you turned away.

“dick move, bellingham, i could leave you stuck here the whole time.”

“i’m not stuck.” your brows rose, a teasing grin tilting your lips and you pushed away from him, skated backwards to put a few feet between you. you’d moved away from the railing and if jude wanted to reach you he’d have to let go of his lifeline, something you knew he wasn’t going to do because his legs seemed locked in place.

“you wanna race me? y’know, since you’re not stuck.”

“you’re being a bit of a prick today.”

“you wanted to come ice skating! that means you actually have to skate.” a little girl flashed between the two of you and you couldn’t stop your laugh at jude’s look of bewilderment. he turned a glare on you. “i’ll help you if you ask. stop being stubborn.”

it was starting to snow, soft flakes fluttering down around you, catching in your lashes and melting into your coat and you watched as one landed on jude’s cheek. he wiped at it, glancing up at the sky with slightly drawn in brows, his palm tipping up to catch a few flakes on his glove. seconds passed as you watched him, let your eyes trail the curve of his jaw, the smooth skin of his throat and the faint smudge of lipstick you’d left on his cheek. it wasn’t lost on you how pretty he was, it was undeniable but sometimes it still left you dazed, punched the wind from you when he turned that subtle smile on you.

“if i ask you to help are you gonna hold it against me forever?”

“obviously but if you keep clutching the railing like that you’re gonna get bullied by these kids.” you threw a look over your shoulder, watching groups of children skate around each other, giggling and shouting, racing from one end to the other with more confidence than even you probably had. there was a family with twins, both children pushing along the ice with a penguin skating aid. you nodded towards them. “i can get you one of those, y’might have to bend down a little to reach it but you’ll-”

jude huffed loudly and despite his attempt at looking annoyed his lips had quirked into a small smile and his eyes had crinkled at the corners. he held his hand out to you and wiggled his fingers impatiently. “i’m not using a fucking penguin to skate so get over here and hold my hand would you.”

“bossy bossy, keep going and i’ll shove you over.”

“are you gonna help me or not? i’ve been standing here forever.” you could only roll your eyes, skating towards him until you could slip your fingers through his, palms pressed flat together. “just so you know, if i fall you’re coming down with me.”

“you’re not gonna fall but you do need to let go of the fence.” you tugged him a little and jude finally untangled his fingers from the metal fence, his fingers tightening around yours. "one foot in front of the other, remember? it's basically muscle memory." you were mocking him and jude knew it, his flat and unamused look making you laugh.

"i'm contemplating throwing myself onto the floor just so you fall too."

"you talk too much, did you know that?" he huffed as a reply and you threw him a sidelong glance, the look of concentration on his face making your heart thud. his lips were rolled inward, brow crinkled, eyes on the ice in front of him and despite the slight unsteadiness to his movements the two of you had made it almost halfway around the rink. you tried to push your feet a little faster, pulling him along with you.

jude’s fingers had eased up on their death grip on yours and on your third skate around the rink he’d completely let go, hands free at his sides. you skated a little in front of him, spun until you were going backwards and could meet his gaze.

“don’t do that.”

“do what?”

“try some stupid tricks, m’not taking you to the hospital because jack over there sliced your hands off.”

“how would you cope if i didn’t have hands.” someone skated past the two of you, close enough that jude wobbled, his feet slipping on the ice. he fumbled for a few seconds before regaining his balance, a huffed laugh creating a cloud of fog around him.

“this was a terrible idea.”

“why’d you suggest ice skating if you can’t actually skate? you know we could have just gotten hot chocolate and look through the stalls.” the look he sent you was half sheepish, all lowered lashes and tilted lips. he shrugged, reached out for your hand to get you back at his side and tried to pick up the pace again.

“you said you wanted to come and we’ve never done it together before, i didn’t think it’d be so stupid.” something trickled hot and honey-like through your chest, made your tummy flutter and the tips of your fingers tingle, a bashful smile lighting up your face. you’d mentioned once a few weeks back that you wanted to go ice skating again during the christmas holidays but you‘d assumed you’d go with friends, jude had never once mentioned wanting to go with you yet here he was, wobbling around like an overgrown baby giraffe just because it was something you wanted to do.

“considering your entire career is based on your feet it’s shocking how bad your balance is.”

“it’s not that bad, i can roller skate perfectly fine, the whole being on slippery ice thing is just messing with my ability.”

“you can admit you’re shit, this is a no judgement zone.”

“you don’t know the meaning of no judgment, sweetheart.” all you could do was scoff, pulling a little on his hand to drag him back towards the railing. once his body was supported by the metal you watched him sag in relief, the tension in his shoulders easing out just slightly, head tipping back when he let out a long breath. “y’know what? i’m just gonna stand here and watch you.”

“you are not.”

“my legs are like jelly.”

“so we’ll leave.” you settled yourself against his side, pulled at the string of his hoodie with a playful tug when he glanced down at you. “we can grab dinner and take it home, watch a movie?” jude propped his elbow on the fence, his fingers finding your face, thumb brushing soft over your cheek, tracing the edge of your bottom lip.

“my ego feels bruised.”

“baby.” you pouted at the look on his face, the downward turn of his lips and dent between his brows, his lashes glinting from fallen snowflakes. shifting you kissed him softly, let your lips linger, revelling in the heat from him before moving to peck his cheek and jaw, working your way to his ear. you felt him shiver when your bottom lip grazed along the lobe.

“if we go home i can help kiss it better.” jude knew you weren’t talking about his ego, he’d caught the subtle shift in your gaze and the lowered level of your tone and it was obvious your thoughts had wandered down far more inappropriate roads. you pulled back and flashed a teasing smile, pushed away from him and further on to the ice, careful to avoid passing kids. “but you have to skate to the exit first.”

[givemeuniversalcrossovers]

Soooooooooo......???

Seeing doubles amiright?, like, wow that's familiar oh yea it looks near identical to my besties art that was posted earlier this year, I mean maybe the heads the other way it can't be THAT copy pasted I so thought

Hm. Yea it IS that bad, now, I've not seen the movie in a long time but I am 99% sure that is not a pose from the genesect movie so it's not referenced from there

"But they have different art styles!" I mean pretty sure using an image as reference without consent or credit but altering it for your art style still infringes on copyright and the original image made by the original artist. And you're really gonna look at me with the art side by side and go well duh the art style is different even if they're near identical so can't be stolen (you can still, steal something while having a different artstyle???)

"but the head is the other way and the hands are closed!" and the posing is the exact same the angle is the exact same the mouth open the sternums pointing similarly the definition of the chest in illusion to chest plate

And as well the minor differences look pretty deliberate imo? Can't copy the exact posing 1 for 1 as somebody (read nobody (save for me bitches cause I'm pissed) since people don't like to call out bigger popular artists for things like this and just let it slide because 'wellll we like this artist better so they can steal allllll the time~!' which guys popular or not it ain't fucking on), but yea can't just do the exact same so alter just enough to make it pass off as original (didn't work literally saw it in passing and clocked it right away and had to scramble to check and make a comparison refer my beloathed)

I just wanna know like, why? What the fuck? And I know swearing might damage my point but, just, I can't stand seeing or hearing about my friends getting treated like this having their original content taken and warped by other people who know to some degree they can get away with it, it's gross, if you wanna take inspiration you credit that appropriately hell even ask permission and respect if the og artist says no.

I don't think this panel should've been made or it should've been a helluv a lot different. Things like this is exactly the reason I'm scared to share my original ideas online, in case it gets taken and used specifically by this artist because I genuinely can't trust them at this point from what I've seen I don't want my ideas to be taken and then be brushed off with a "oh I've always wanted to play with this idea/it's always been implied actually! Don't look into why it's only showed up now after somebody made a post about their ocs with the same idea" cause being the lesser content creator guess what? I'll be the insane one if I say anything, I'll be told I'm wrong and have people jump my content claiming I've stolen or something because that's unfortunately how the Internet works! I've already had my works warped in a way I cant really even talk about! I know I'd probably look mad or like I was grasping at straws if I said anything then or now and at the time I valued my safety my comfort online and enjoyment online over saying anything and hey maybe I was wrong and the ideas were simply similar, but I doubt it. I know I could dig up and provide my references at least for my work, at the time when asked they couldn't do the same.

But this is my friend, and I'm not gonna let this shit slide anymore, I know this isn't the first thing this artist has, 'taken inspiration from' I use with heavy quotation marks, and I hope to fuck it's the last. But I don't know. I'm not gonna sit in silence about it anymore though, I will be calling it out as I see.

Plugging other people's artwork and original ideas character designs traits ect into your own to replicate to boost your own art makes you no better than ai art, because it takes without consent and spits out something warped and stolen.

This might come off as angry and petty and bitter, because it is, but don't mistake that for jealousy, I don't want what they have I'm not talking about this like a jealous ex trying to sabotage their fame because I know this is probably gonna damage my online rep and experience far more than theirs (or maybe I'll be lucky and this will become a tumbleweed in the desert) I'm talking about this because I want this kind of behaviour to stop. More popular 'better' artists shouldn't get free reign to plagiarise and pocket concepts from smaller artists just because they can, my friends content is not your fucking strawberry patch to plunder, it's not yours to take ANYTHING from. Make your own fucking original content. You've got your fame. Stop taking from us, leave us alone.

[starlitiris]

how I imagine some hxh characters would react to their s/o having sa trauma

erm hiya folks welcome to my first ever hxh headcanon post

there's only gonna be like 5 characters here, but I do wanna do more than just these guys. i plan on making at least a part 2 for this with different characters. i just don't know who i'm gonna pick yet :/ feel free to make requests for the part 2! this isn't exclusive to the hxh men so if you wanna request any of the hxh girlies then go for it <3

WARNINGS: very brief and non-detailed mentions of sa, implied murder and torture, also very brief and non-detailed talk about sex

Ging Freecss

when the topic comes up in conversation and you eventually open up to him about what you've been through, he listens intently. no matter how much or how little you tell him about it

when you've finished telling him, he doesn't have much to say about it. he nods and hums to let you know he heard you.

his reaction might come off as him being disinterested or not wanting to know about everything you've just unloaded onto him, but he really REALLY does care, and he's glad you felt comfortable enough to open up to him about it

you might apologize for trauma dumping on him, but he'll quickly shut you down.

"don't you dare apologize."

he'll hold your hands, gently rubbing his thumbs against the back of them

if you start to cry, he'll wipe your tears away and pull you in to hold you close (if you're okay with it at the time) while you let all the waterworks out

again, he won't have much to say about it. he doesn't want to pry for more details than you're willing to give, either.

he isn't the greatest at talking about feelings and putting things into words, but he'll make sure you know he cares through his actions

he'll hold you for as long as you need to be held, then do something nice for you. like get you some of your comfort food and put on a nice movie you two can watch together on the sofa

after you open up to him about your trauma, he's more attentive to your comfort when being physically intimate. not that he wasn't before, he just pays extra attention to it now. it's sweet

Uvogin

the topic of sa comes up while you two are hanging out alone together

you make a comment implying that you yourself have experienced that kind of abuse

uvo is slightly taken aback and pries

you kind of awkwardly explain to him what you went through in minimal detail

"… huh."

you aren't sure what to make of this reaction, and silence falls between you two.

then he asks for the name(s) and address(es) of your abuser(s)

this catches you off guard

you know exactly why he wants that information you really don't even bother asking

whether you give him the info he asks for is entirely up to you! <3

uvo may be a murderous bandit but he understands the importance of respecting your boundaries. he isn't a COMPLETE monster!

he won't bring it up again or ask you anymore questions about it, but he will keep it in mind

a few days after you opened up to him, he'll really contemplate what you've told him

and later on that day he'll probably pretty bluntly ask you if there's anything specific you're not okay with. like if there's a certain way you don't like being touched, a certain thing you don't like to do, etc.

and ofc when you tell him he keeps that in mind as well and makes sure to avoid the things that make you uncomfortable

Feitan Portor

he listens quietly as you tell him however much you're comfortable with telling him.

he falls silent for a moment after you finish telling him. you can tell he's thinking.

you start to worry that you should've kept your mouth shut. feitan can be really hard to read sometimes.

"when did this happen?"

"where?"

"who?"

it's up to you whether or not you answer any of these questions.

though, if you chose not to answer any of the questions he had, he'll likely find out who it was that hurt you one way or another

it's inevitable that he'll find out

very quickly after you told him about it as a matter of fact

no matter how much you might not want him to

he will find your abuser(s)

he will approach them

and he will do what he does best

and he'll let you know about it, too

i imagine the way you find out is when he comes home after hunting your abuser(s) down

"i took care of them."

you'll either be very grateful or absolutely befuddled

assuming it's the latter, you ask him what he means by that and what he did

you also remind him that you seriously didn't want him to do anything drastic

"why are you mad? i only gave them what they deserved."

you're stressed that he went against your wishes and sought out your abuser(s) anyway, but he tries to make it up to you by treating you to some tea and cuddles

he's unusually sweet to you that night, but you aren't complaining

as much as you might be super not used to it like at all

Illumi Zoldyck

"oh."

you're not sure how you expected your boyfriend to react to this kind of information

he doesn't seem to react much at all honestly

clearly had nothing to say about it

you just sigh and let it be

illumi is an apathetic person. you knew that going into this relationship, so you really can't say you expected much

nothing in illumi's behavior changes after you tell him until you're in the bedroom with him

"is this okay?"

"is it alright if i touch you there?"

"are you sure you're up for it? we can hold off."

you are oh so very confused

but when you realize why he's being extra cautious, your heart melts

you answer his questions truthfully, you reassure him that certain acts are okay, you tell him if something makes you uncomfortable, and he respects your boundaries fully

again, outside of the bedroom he's just as illumi as he was before you told him about your trauma

but he continues to be extra mindful of your comfort when you're being physically intimate

he might ask less questions overtime as he learns more about what you are and aren't okay with, but he'll always check with you when necessary to make sure you're doing okay

Chrollo Lucilfer

imagine you two are either going on a scenic walk together or laying in bed preparing to sleep when it comes up and you tell him what you're comfortable saying to him

he listens to you intently

he might ask you a few questions about it, but only a couple. he doesn't wanna pry too much.

"when did it happen?"

"was it just the one time?"

"who was it?"

once again, whether you answer any of those questions is entirely up to you.

he doesn't act weird or uncomfortable about it, and gently changes the subject when he sees you're ready to move on

the rest of your day/night continues normally without it coming up again

the next day, chrollo gets to work on finding out everything he can about your abuser(s)

completely without your knowledge

it wasn't that difficult to get the information he needed

once he has what he needs, he tells you he's off to an important meeting and leaves

you didn't bother asking who he was meeting with. knowing the kind of shit he gets involved with, you wouldn't have expected him to tell you anyway.

once he's gone, he wastes no time in disposing of the human garbage that is your abuser(s)

then he cleans up, comes home, asks you about your day and treats you to a fancy dinner

he never tells you what he did

if you do somehow find out, though, he'll be completely honest about it and tell you what you wanna know

and as for physical intimacy, nothing really changes

he was already very respectful of your wants, needs and boundaries before you told him

[heavenlycloud]

quit: park sooyoung x fem! reader

⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧

cw// toxic relationships, HEAVY smut, swearing, situationships / fwb, manipulation, crying, NSFW again

men and minors dni!

a/n: i saw this pic of joy while looking for new layout pics and i couldn't help but let my mind wander...plus i've been dying to write something for this song. i'm still getting used to writing nsfw so pls be nice :) feedback would be greatly appreciated since this is my first time posting nsfw on my blog

and you say that i'm the devil you know and i don't disagree. no, i don't see the harm...they say, "you crazy, just leave him, he'll suffocate you" but i wanna be in your arms...

everyone in your friend circle warned you about her. they told you she would do more harm than good. they said she's not genuine, that she's only after one thing, sex. it'd be a lie if you said you didn't believe them because you knew getting involved with her was a disaster waiting to happen. however, there was something about her that was so addicting and you weren't ready to give up the drug that she was...you probably never will be. she's just that damn good.

they say, "no, don't pick up the phone, let them think there's nobody home" but i'm under your spell... 'cause when you call my heart starts to roll, i always want more, it's my heaven, my hell...

your bedroom window blew cool, night air into your apartment as you sat on your bed. you mindlessly ran your fingers along the cords of your electric guitar playing the first song that came to mind. surely the residents in the floors above and below you would complain about being woken up to kiss it better by rihanna, but you didn't care. it was well past one in the morning and you should've been asleep but here you were.

right as you finished the end of the chorus a muffled humming sound came from between your bed and pillows. you didn't even have to check to know who it was, and you definitely knew you shouldn't answer. all of your friends told you to ignore her calls, let her think you're not around so you ignored it. instead of calling again, you heard a loud knock at the front door of your apartment. ignoring the advice of everyone else and your own intuition, you got up and answered the door.

we're heading deep inside lives a voice, a voice so quiet. but i can't hear that voice when your heart beats next to mine...

sooyoung stood in the doorway looking like an abandoned puppy with her hair damp and wearing a sullen face. her eyes were red with her tearstained cheeks and swollen lips, "h-he broke up with me..." her voice cracked and she hiccupped between her words, the same ones you heard at least twice a month.

the opportunity to turn her away was still there but when she looked up at you with that same damn pout, it was over. without missing a beat you pulled her into your apartment and closed and locked the door behind you both. you led her to your room where your guitar and amp had been pushed off to a corner, leaving your bed open.

she walked into your arms and gripped onto the back of your shirt as she sobbed, "i-i hate him so much." you pulled her into your chest and agreed, "i do too." sooyoung pulled away from you and bunched her hands in the hem of your oversized t shirt, "i need you, y/n. please... "

i can't quit you, i can't quit you...yeah, i'm gonna regret it... know I'm gonna regret it.

god does she know exactly what to say especially with that stupid pout you always give into. you bring your hands up to hold her face, and gently wipe her tears away with your thumbs. sooyoung leaned into your touch and kissed the inside of one of your palms sweetly. you swiped your thumb across her lip slowly dragging the motion out and she sucked your finger into her mouth. her soft tongue swirled around your skin and you affirmed, "i'll make you feel better i promise. let me take care of you, baby."

when you said, "baby, i just want you to lay me down and we'll fuck the pain away" 'cause skin on skin, i feel nothing but the burning of desire and that's just foreplay...

you pressed your lips against sooyoung's and she melted into your touch with ease. her arms slipped from inside her jacket and you tossed it aside. you found the zipper on the back of her dress and unzipped it slowly, letting the material hang from her body before completely dropping to the floor. she stepped out of the skirt and kicked it aside to another spot on your floor. your lips pressed against her neck until you reached her collarbone where you stopped.

sooyoung whined at the loss of contact and you smirked to yourself in satisfaction. you stood behind her and lifted her chin with your finger to angle her gaze to your wall length mirror. sooyoung stared at herself right as you unclipped her bra and let it fall away. one hand rested on her waist while another on her shoulder. you ran your fingertips down her arm and she let out a soft gasp.

your breath ghosted her neck as you said, "look at how pretty you are." she shyly turned her face into your neck and one hand found your wrist as you moved your other one to her panties. the hand on her chest teased her breast, tugging at one of her nipples eliciting a high pitched sound from her, "a-aah." you smiled and pressed a kiss to her temple, before holding her head up so she could see herself. your free hand slipped into her panties and with the lightest of touches, ghosted her dampened folds.

sooyoung squeezed her eyes shut and you clicked your tongue, "ah ah, look at your reflection. see how pretty you look?" her eyes slowly opened and you began rubbing slow circles around her heated center, ignoring where she needed it that most. sooyoung pleaded softly, "y/n...please." you hummed and dragged your thumb against her clit, making her knees buckle underneath her.

her weight rested on you and you smiled, "so needy and i haven't even done anything....do you know how much i love seeing you like this?" she didn't reply as you continued drawing patterns against her soaked pussy. she looked at you in the mirror and said, "y/n please." you slipped your hands from her panties and admired the sheen of slick. teasingly you brought them up to sooyoung's lips and watched her mouth fall open, just for you to lightly swipe her bottom lip and put your fingers in your own mouth.

you sucked her essence off of your fingers and hummed in satisfaction. watching as sooyoung pathetically licked her bottom lip for the smallest taste of herself, and feeling her sigh in relief against you. gently, you backed her against your bed and let her fall into the plush warmth. she was completely engulfed in your scent making her yearn for your touch even more. she looked up at you with those same doe eyes, searching for any signs of continuing your ministrations.

an airy gasp left her lips as you pressed the softest of kisses along her chest. you brushed your lips across one of her breasts and gently kissed one of her nipples while you free hand traced around the other. sooyoung let out a frustrated grunt as her chest pushed up for her hardened bud to meet your lips which only made you laugh. she breathed out, "please i need you..." you kissed the side of her breast and smiled, "you have me." she shook her head and repeated with more want, "no i need you to touch me."

looking up at her you pressed more kisses along her breast, swapping to the other before you asked, "where do you need me, baby?" sooyoung bit her lip as you sucked on her nipple and tugged on it with your teeth. when she didn't reply, you pulled away and started to move from atop her. in a panicked effort of desperation she snatched your hand into her own, and lowered it to her soaked heat, "here, i need you here." only then did you climb back over her and kiss down her toned abdomen, suckling marks and bites into her plush skin.

sooyoung spread her legs and let you settle between them, flinching slightly when your hand palmed her inner thighs. you ran your thumb over her heated flesh and nicked the surface with your teeth. by now you could smell how bad she wanted you and she was nearly shaking with desperation. just to put her on edge further, you kissed right against her folds, just missing where she wanted you most.

you coaxed smoothly, "tell me what you want, use your words, angel." sooyoung's voice came out just above a whisper as she said, "your mouth, please." heat flushed over her face when she looked down at you between her legs just in time to see you place a kiss to her clit. her hands flew to the top of your head just for you to slip one of your hands into her own.

the heat of your tongue against her molten center sent her eyes rolling to the back of her head. you laved through her folds hungrily tasting her as if she were the forbidden fruit from the heavenly garden. sooyoung breathily gasped and whined beneath you which sent a wave of confidence through your body. you let out a low moan, "you taste so good..." and it took everything in her to not let go right then and there. one of her hands fisted you soft bedsheets while the other squeezed onto yours, fingers intertwined with your own. when you gave her swollen bud another light suck she held her breath until she couldn't anymore. her body stuttered for a moment and a high pitched moan fell past her lips.

your fingers slipped into her heated core, helping her ride through her high before slowly kissing up her body to meet her lips. the taste of herself lingered on your tongue and filled her mouth, making her moan weakly. you brushed a piece of hair from her face and smiled softly, "my pretty girl." sooyoung's face twisted up at the nickname and she mumbled, "that's what he called me too..." immediately a pit of aggravation filled your stomach and you leaned closer to her, lips barely touching hers, "you're thinking of him when i'm right here?"

out of pure frustration you pushed her lightly away from you and started to get up, not knowing why you even bothered because she was always like this. no matter what you'd done in the past she always ran back to that bum ass man of hers. sooyoung grabbed your hand and pleaded, "no wait- please. y/n i'm sorry i just want you...it's always been you." she was too damn good at saying what you wanted to hear because no part of you genuinely believed her last words, yet you found yourself crawling back over her ready to make her mean what she said.

this time will be different.

we're heading deep inside lives a voice, a voice so quiet. but i can't hear that voice when your heart beats next to mine

you kissed her on her lips again and pushed her back down into your bed as she stared up at you. there was a specific hunger in your gaze that she'd never seen before that had her more excited than before.

i can't quit you, i can't quit you. yeah i'm gonna regret it, i know i'm gonna regret it

sooyoung's legs fell back open as you made your way back into the same spot before, kissing her swollen bud and laughing when she jumped. she rolled her head to rest on her shoulder and whined, "n-ngh i- wait i'm still sensitive..." you looked up at her through a hooded gaze, "i don't care. you look so beautiful under me." you connected your lips to her heated core and sucked harshly. her thighs closed around your head and you pushed them back open with enough force to make her whimper.

your fingers prodded at her entrance, your tongue dragging from her slit up to her engorged clit. sooyoung's hands violently fisted the sheets as she tried to hold out longer. but you were no match for her as you knew her body like the back of your hand. her second climax came and her sweet honey oozed from her center and onto your tongue. you sucked more into your mouth without wasting a drop before holding it there. she watched in near horror as you made your way up to her, tapping on her chin wordlessly.

sooyoung's lips parted and you stuck your sopping wet fingers into her mouth, drool running down her lips. when you withdrew them, you held her chin and tipped her head back slightly before spitting into her mouth. the mixture of your saliva and her slick filled her mouth, and she swallowed it without hesitation. your fingers massaged her soft pussy, making her begin to close her legs again. you looked down at her and said, "be good for me, open your legs." she followed your orders and squeezed her mouth shut as her thighs began to shake.

you looked at the tears that began to fill her eyes, only smiling and rubbing her center harder until her tears fell. she craned her neck up to meet her lips as you began to lean down, but instead you dragged your tongue along her smooth cheek, licking the trail of tears from her face. you laughed as she began to squirm more, beginning to beg, "i- y/n i- something is...i can't please-" you pushed your fingers further into her heated center, letting your thumb lightly bump her clit.

she began to close her legs and you pulled out of her and quickly reached forward. you laughed in her face as tears fell from her eyes and she nearly screamed, her swollen nub squeezed harshly between your thumb and pointer finger. sooyoung begged you, "ah- i- y/n-" you silenced her with a kiss and let her go, watching her sigh of relief only briefly until you pushed back into her.

you looked her in the eyes and told her firmly, "you can take it sooyoungie." her swollen pout and pleading eyes found yours and she repeated to herself pitifully, "i can take it. i-i can take it." you kissed her lips and cheek as you drew her only seconds from her third orgasm, "such a good girl for me huh?" she nodded eagerly as tears fell from her eyes and you kissed them away, "such a pretty girl when you cry for me. my pretty angel, my sooyoung." that moment the last name fell from your lips you felt her walls squeeze your fingers and push them out.

a stream of clear liquid leaked from her pussy as she shook beneath you, her own hand finding her clit and massaging it through her orgasm. you didn't hesitate to go down and lick up her mess, humming at the salty taste that was so uniquely hers. a taste you'd found yourself addicted to, always craving for more.

i can't quit you, i can't quit you, oh baby. i can't quit you, i can't quit you, oh babe

sooyoung pushed your head away and you kissed her inner thighs that were still slightly shaking. she had her eyes closed in a fucked out bliss that only you'd ever given her. you smirked to yourself and asked her sweetly, "who's on your mind now, angel?" sooyoung's eyes opened weakly and she hummed, "hmmm? s' you....only y/n. only want y/n." you placed a kiss on her cheek and laid beside her before she curled into your arms, tucking her head into your side. as you thought you'd finally won, sooyoung was beside you smiling to herself because she was the only winner, she always was.

you were only a pawn in her little game but she'd be lying if she said you weren't her favorite player. all this time people told you that she was obsessed with you, the idea of you. but in reality you were addicted to all of her, just another person hooked on the thought of winning the game. always under the impression that you were closer and closer to winning the grand prize, winning her over. but in reality you were just another piece in her puzzle. nevertheless, you'd never quit all that was park sooyoung.

i'm gonna regret it babe, babe, babe, gonna regret it, yeah, i'm gonna regret it...